12 YO Stepson keeps getting suspended, says he wants to move in with us!

Sue - posted on 12/12/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

4

18

1

My DH and his ex have been divorced for 10 years, we have been married 9. We currently live about 8 hours away, but are soon moving to another state which will put us 9 hours away. Stepson has been bullied at school and his mom doesn't listen to him, makes him do all the chores, lazy, all the usual complaints a 12 year old would say to get sympathy from dad. He has been known to lie a lot, and not just regular lies but great complex ones about his girlfriend getting hit by a car, etc. Anyway, I don't really know if I want him here, but DH wants to do "what's best" for him. How can we possibly know what that is? What if the problems continue in the new school? We can't just ship him back and say, oh well, we tried. Also, mom works for an attorney, so it would be a great big PITA if we had to fight for custody. We just got a call today that he's been suspended for 10 days, for threatening a kid. A week before Christmas break that means a MONTH off school. I feel so confused!

8 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 12/16/2014

4,220

8

3247

Why don't you think his Dad will be able to help him?
A lot of boys respond better to their Dad's anyway and he may actually turn his attitude around in a different setting.
Like the other ladies have said, you'll need to go to court and get the custody orders changed. I agree with your husband though and you need to give him the best chance to change the direction he's going. Moving so far away from his friends could be what he needs.

Sue - posted on 12/16/2014

4

18

1

Well she is neglecting him, so something needs to change. We currently see him on Thanksgiving for a week, the week after Christmas, the week of spring break and all summer. He speaks with his dad almost daily on the phone. I think his dad has just as good a handle on his life as his mom does. We also have 3 other children here, this isn't our first time at the pony show. But we've never been through a custody change before.

Wanda - posted on 12/13/2014

72

0

4

So how often do u see this child if u currently live 8 hrs away?? Is the boy acting up as a result of lack of seeing his dad? How can dad know what's best when he lives that far away?

Sarah - posted on 12/12/2014

9,604

0

22

So you are considering requesting primary custody? Do you think mom will say yes or no? Are you up for a court fight? What kind of help is he getting for his acting out?

Ev - posted on 12/12/2014

8,008

7

918

That would mean going back to court and all plus the fact that she would have to agree to him leaving the state with his dad as well.

Sue - posted on 12/12/2014

4

18

1

His mother has physical custody currently, unless she agrees to let him come live with us.

Sarah - posted on 12/12/2014

9,604

0

22

Is he getting some therapy for the lying? Kids lie, but by 12 he should be outgrowing the fantastical lying. What kind of threat did he make that warranted 10 suspension? Will mom let him come live with you without a fight? One benefit is you and his father would have control over his need for counseling.

Ev - posted on 12/12/2014

8,008

7

918

Okay, I am confused on the custody. Is it joint and split? If so how is moving to a new state with this kid going to work if the custody is in another?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms