12 yr old daughter and son went to live with dad...devestated!!!!

Melinda - posted on 08/11/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My daughter has been told for 5 years by her dad that lives two states away that she could tell the courts where she wanted to live when she turns 12. Went to court and yip, she told her GAL (third party attorney speaking in the kids behalf) that their request, after the GAL beat me and my husband up for disciplining my children in her report, that they had requested to live with their dad. I'm so depressed b/c my daughter acts like I'm so stupid and she idolizes her dad. He's the one that left when they were 1 and 3 and now has a 2 year old and an infant with the woman he cheated with. So now they have moved they get to share rooms with their two 1/2 siblings in a 930 square foot home.. Everything is wonderful and they seem to love it b/c they say that have some real expectation b/c they have spent 6-7 weeks with their dad during the summers. I am totally hurt that he gets to finish rearing my children when I'm not the one that left the marriage. My son was torn between the two of us and is a momma's boy. My husband has raised them since they were 3 and 5. My daughter is now 12 1/2 and my son almost 11. Is there any hope they they will move back with me and their family where they grew up? They are now going to a private school which will be a total culture shock b/c my kdis are outgoing and loud. How do I deal with this horrible hurt? They moved from a rural area in Oklahoma City (slow paced) to Chicago (fast paced).

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Jodi - posted on 08/11/2012

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Were you disciplining the children, or spanking them? I find it very hard to believe there would have been an issue if it was discipline, but spanking, well, that's a different thing altogether. I can understand why that may have been an issue.

To me, it sounds like they will be okay. You just need to keep up a regular relationship with them. Do you have a visitation order?

I am really sorry that this is hurting you so much, but really, they sound like they are happy, and when it comes down to. You need to stop looking for faults in their new life, and when you see them, be happy for their happiness, and love them for who they are, rather than be upset at them and their father for their choice.

IF dad is not all he is cracked up to be, the kids will be smart enough to figure that out in their own time.

Just remember, this isn't a competition. Don't make it one.

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Melinda - posted on 08/12/2012

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Spanking wasn't the issue and I haven't spanked them maybe 3 times in the past three years. My daughter just thinks it will be fun to move somewhere new and to be around her 1/2 siblings, which is great. However, I have totally felt left out of their lives b/c their father doesn't involve me and my husband at all. My daughter even recognizes that it will be fun for a while, but eventually it will wear off. So instead of fighting in court/trial, I just signed the paperwork for them to go and try it out. I don't want her resenting me and so hopefully she will grow up and moved back home if she chooses.

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