13 year old & belly button piercing

Marisol - posted on 02/24/2015 ( 23 moms have responded )

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Hello my 13 year old daughter ask me a few days ago if she could get her belly button pierced i said no but im thinking about it i would like her to wait until she's 18+

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/26/2015

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Evelyn, apparently a 'dolphin parent' is the happy medium between a tiger parent and a jellyfish parent {too overbearing allowing children zero control(tiger)/wishywashy, giving in and walked all over (jellyfish)}

Personally, I'm a HUMAN parent...LOL...Not a helicopter, not a tiger, not a jellyfish, not a dolphin...I'm a parent with realistic expectations for my kids who doesn't believe in giving them everything, but then again doesn't believe entirely in pushing them so damn hard that they're nervous wrecks before middle school...

Ev - posted on 02/26/2015

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Hi Jill,

I am the mother of two grown adults. The oldest is 25 and a girl. She is married with her own two children and plans to get her college degree finished soon. Her husband is working on his own projects to earn money and one is game tournaments with video games. He seems to do well with that. He is also almost 25. My youngest one is 18 and currently about to graduate high school.

I am not sure what a dolphin mom is but have heard of a tiger mom. I am not sure what all those mom types mean. I was and still am a basic mom who stood by the old school tradition of raising kids to be respectful of their elders, respect others, earn respect, be honest and trustworthy, do a good job to the best of their ability, taught morals and values that are important to how they are and were raised, and to show them that I have to earn their respect as they have to earn mine.

They both attended public schools. Both have done well in them. Youngest one has had to have resource help or special ed as a lot like to call it. Without the program he would not be where he is without the help he got. They also come from a divorced home. They have had step moms and still have one who also homeschools her own children. I did not allow it because in my state its not legal for the step parent to do the homeschooling and her version of it is not quite what kids need. Beyond that, they have grown into good mature adults.

I have always told my kids to do the best that they can with school and whatever they decide to do in life. But at the same time I had my rules. No tattoos until they were old enough, no piercings until old enough (adult age), no booze, no smoking, no drugs. They had the rules of curfew and so on to follow as well.

I think the best thing is that we do the best we can by our children.

Gena - posted on 02/26/2015

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Another Thing to consider is that her Body is still growing and a belly piercing could strech and not look nice. Any serious piercer would not do it,even if the parents give permission. I would tell her to wait till she is 18. I also dont see any reason why a 13 yr old should have such a piercing.

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Gena - posted on 02/28/2015

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Ligers are very interesting.They grow very big and are "Kind souls" but i think because they grow so big they have Problems. I know the Liger named Hercules is real. An absolutly beautiful animal. I will Google some more about tiger parenting.

Carrie - posted on 02/28/2015

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I was 27 when I had mine, lol. However as a parent I believe you have to be 18 Or have a parent w/ you ...I'm thinking, and has to be at least 17 or so however I seen girls in HS have them, so not sure, but 13 way too young. Are her ears pierced, I'd suggest that , at this time. Maybe bet more piercings there.

Dove - posted on 02/27/2015

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I live in a house over run by hormones... so I think I'll adopt the 'duck' style of parenting... as in 'duck and hide before something gets chucked at your head by a hormonal female'... lol

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/27/2015

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Jodi...I was thinking "ostrich" for the neglectful style...?

Jill - posted on 02/27/2015

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Hi Gena, I looked up "Ligers" (Tigons, too) because I had never heard of them before. The first one that came up was so photoshopped, but then I found some authentic pictures. Very interesting. Cheers.

Jill - posted on 02/27/2015

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Actually, the lifestyle habits of lions and tigers are quite different from each other, I am not sure they can be blended in terms of parenting.

Gena - posted on 02/26/2015

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I wonder what Kind of mom a Liger is??I love ligers ..they are hybrids of lions and tigers.

Jodi - posted on 02/26/2015

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"And there is also the neglectful style, but I don't know the animal name for that one."

Go with turtle.

Dove - posted on 02/26/2015

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I can't tell you what to do, but I can say 100% that my 13 year old daughter would never get a belly button piercing. Then again... she doesn't even have her ears pierced yet. That has been her choice since her 12th birthday. She can get a single ear piercing anytime from now on, but anything else will wait til 18.

Jill - posted on 02/26/2015

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Evelyn, you are definitely a dolphin too. LOL and it's great to read that your kids are doing so well in their adult lives. Your son-in-law's business venture sounds very interesting. I agree that not everyone is cut out to homeschool. There are some very skewed versions out there of how to make that work. I used to be on the regional homeschooling association board of directors, so it is interesting for me to read about the step-parent/bio-parent differentiation in your state. I never got a bachelor's degree when I was young, but when I was 39, I went back to school to get an MBA and just finished it in 2012. What an adventure that was!

And sorry Shawnn, but I can tell by your writings that you are a dolphin too... LOL! I am sure your kids are about as stress hardy and resilient as it is possible to be. Whatever they chose to pursue in life, I am sure they are successful. That is the ideal. That's the parenting dream. Way to go! BTW: I agree, helicopter parenting is so bad for kids.

Translation:

Tiger - Authoritarian
Dolphin - Authoritative
Jellyfish - Permissive

Here is the simple Wikipedia definition of the three:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parenting_s...

Scroll down a bit to read the descriptions.
And there is also the neglectful style, but I don't know the animal name for that one.

I only used the animal names because of a recent book on the market called "The Dolphin Way" by Dr. Shimi Kang.

Thanks so much for the debate. I love reading all these comments and opinions. They absolutely make my day. I'm so glad I recently found this site. Cheers ladies!

Jill - posted on 02/26/2015

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Hi Evelyn,

Thanks for the feedback. My kids are homeschooled and have never been to public or private school, but l believe in the old adage, "Idle hands are the devil's playground." To that end they are very involved in the community in constructive ways with all ages - babies to seniors. I just finished a 3-year term as a municipal politician, so my kids were heavily exposed to the whole region as well as their own community. They are very well socialized and popular and they are both highly successful performing arts kids. My eldest is currently playing the lead in "Anne of Green Gables" and my youngest just had the lead role in "Secret Garden" in the summer and "Alice in Wonderland" in December. They are both triple threat performers and they have been in six plays each in the last 2 years. I am a classic dolphin parent, not a tiger or a jellyfish.

I never said, it never happens, I just said it happens very infrequently and yes, I have more than prepared them to deal with all these situations if they do come up. Having worked extensively with at risk youth, I understand the potential challenges.

My favorite parenting book of late is by Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Dr. Gabor Mate. It is called Hold Onto Your Kids, Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. I highly recommend it. My first daughter sees herself on Broadway and she more than has the talent to make it happen, so I am raising her to understand life's risks as though she is already living in New York City. Thanks for your concern. Cheers!

Ev - posted on 02/26/2015

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While I loved reading your philosophy, I have to disagree with the last of your post about them not getting to involved with drugs, alcohol, boyfriends, and smoking. When they are off at school or out with their friends or in company of others, the peers trying to get them to do drugs, alcohol, and smoking are going to approach them all the time. Do you even give them the information they need to be able to say no to it. My son even at 18 gets pressured by the kids in auto class to try different things and he tells them no. He has told me this himself. So while its good to set certain things at certain ages, you need to also equip them for the world outside the home.

Jill - posted on 02/26/2015

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I have a philosophy about giving adult privileges to children. If you give them these things at such a young age, then what do they have to look forward to as they grow older and navigate the teen years.

For my kids, we set age goals for different things. 13 was the magic age for ear piercing, babysitting and make up. 15 was the age for high heeled shoes higher than 1/2 to one inch. 12 was the age to show their faces on their YouTube channels. Strapless clothing was 15, I believe. We have all kinds of ages for everything. They always kept very close track and were very prompt about demanding the privilege once they reached the required age. Of course, they tried to do a lot of negotiating, but we always held firm in the nicest way possible. If they got grumpy about our timelines, then we got grumpy back by threatening to take away privileges already earned.

It is important to expose your children to early stressors and then teach them how to deal with the stress. Saying no to this may be stressful for your daughter because of a peer pressure issue, but it would give you the chance to help her navigate peer pressure effectively and help her become more resilient. It would create a healthy dialogue about this difficult topic.

Our purpose for our daughters was that if they got all this stuff when they were young, then they would keep lobbying for more and more rights that were more and more adult long before they were ready for the responsibilities.

Since they have spent the last few years fighting me for these less risky privileges, they don't spend a lot of time thinking about other more risky activities like drugs, alcohol, boyfriends and smoking.

Good luck!

Hey, by the way, I am not sure what the inner circle feature is on this website, but if you have found my post helpful, please feel free to join my inner circle.

Raye - posted on 02/25/2015

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I got my first tattoo and a belly button piercing when I was 22 y/o. I can tell you the piercing hurt more than the tattoo. The guy who did it sad he got teenagers in all the time that pass out from the pain. He just moved them to a different chair and went on to the next silly teenager. It also took over a year to heal, and that was with proper cleaning and good hygiene.

I don't see any reason why a 13 y/o needs a belly button piercing. She should wait.

Jodi - posted on 02/25/2015

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Where I live it is against the law until you are 16. I'm figuring there are reasons for that! I wouldn't allow my 13 year old to have it done.

Trisha - posted on 02/25/2015

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I have tattoos, but would have never expected my parents to even consider letting me get any piercings/tattoos while I as under 18 yrs old. I would stick to it.
That is an adult decision, that she can make when she is an adult.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/25/2015

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Body altering is not ok until you're an adult (when I'm your parent). This includes facial or body piercings (ears are different, if one wants ears pierced, and can demonstrate responsibility), tattoos, and 'gauging' earlobes.

You're the parent. You get to make that decision. It is perfectly reasonable to make them hold off until they're an adult for these types of things.

Ev - posted on 02/24/2015

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In a lot of places unless the parent gives permission no one under 18 can get piercings of certain kinds or even a tattoo.

That being said, you are the parent and if you feel its not a good idea to do so then say so. She has to abide the decision you make. What is her reason for wanting one?

Also is she going to be vigilant about taking care of such a piercing? These types of piercings are not like earrings. Some take a long time to heal up and also take more care than earrings do. Also there is the health issues too related to doing that. I think you should find information about this and let her go over it before making a total decision of yes or no.

In all honesty, if she were my kid the answer would be "NO".

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