13 year old daughter

Carla - posted on 04/22/2015 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I have a problem with my out of control daughter and she does not want to live with me anymore. The problem is, I have no one to send her to so what can I do?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/23/2015

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Carla, don't feed that troll. You keep up with consistency and look into counseling.

Carla - posted on 04/23/2015

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I wouldn't mind her staying with her family but they said they don't want the problems. They just met her last year so there's nothing I can do far as that.

Carla - posted on 04/23/2015

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Very understandable and I will seek counseling so we can be the family we once were. Swear I miss those days. Thank you Jodi I appreciate your honesty and advice.

Jodi - posted on 04/23/2015

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I agree with the worker - counselling. Your daughter clearly has issues and I think counselling would help very much. Family therapy may also help as well. I'm sorry you are going through all of this, and I don't mean to put you through an inquisition, but often, when there is a question about the behaviour of a child, there is more to the story and helping without the background can be difficult.

Carla - posted on 04/23/2015

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It's not that she's literally making calls, she goes to school and while I'm at home, I get a knock on the door. I just asked the last worker what could I do if she continues to make false statements and the answer I got was, just do counseling. She does still have a relationship with my ex because he is the only father she knows. and she feels by making false statements that I would be light on her just because they come to my house: at lease that's what I think. We never had counseling and I believe that is something I can get help with. The only reason I am on here asking for help is because, I have 4 other children who needs me and I feel appreciate what I do for them. I am currently seeing a therapist and taking antidepressant medication and with this keep going on, I feel I am losing the battle and just want to give up.

Jodi - posted on 04/23/2015

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I think you should continue to be consistent with your consequences. If she doesn't have a phone, how is she making these calls? If you have a land line phone, you need to place restrictions on it so that no calls can be made out without a PIN number. Every time she makes that call, have consequences - I would imagine that if she keeps making those calls, there will be natural consequences from them anyway for falsely reporting. And whatever you do, DO NOT allow her to see that this is in any way upsetting you, because that's her goal. She WANTS you so upset that you need to send her to her father's side of the family.

Having said that, has she had any counselling with regard to the relationship break up? Is her step father still involved in her life? Is she still getting to have a relationship with him? There may still be some anxieties there surrounding that situation that could be contributing to this behaviour.

Carla - posted on 04/22/2015

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After I ended my 9 year relationship with my youngest two kids father, she started acting up. I start taking her tv privilege away and then she started on fb so I took her phone away and that's when the first call to 241 started. they were told that I wasn't feeding her and they came and investigated and saw that I was doing more than just feed them and that I would cook different meals for everyone. After that, the grades and then I went to punishments but got another call and that time it was for punishing and it's like a constant circle. She said she don't want to be in my house because I am to strick and she wants to live with her father's side of the family, but they have been aware of our situation and don't want what they call "the problem child" so I don't know what else to do at this point. do you have some advice?

Jodi - posted on 04/22/2015

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Well, this behaviour didn't just start overnight. Somewhere along the way, she has been allowed to get away with it. When did the behaviour problems start? What do you mean by "discipline" her? What have her consequences been?

Carla - posted on 04/22/2015

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Having sex, fighting, dont do nothing I tell her to do far as chores, straight F's and talking back. Every time I discipline her, she calls 241 and tells lies to where they always close the cases but I'm tired of not being able to control her and make her do right. She wants to live with her father's side of the family but they don't want the problems.

Jodi - posted on 04/22/2015

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You know why she doesn't want to live with you any more? Because she can't do whatever she wants! She doesn't GET to choose who she lives with and she doesn't GET to behave this way. And you don't GET to just send her away.

When you say out of control, what are we talking about?

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