13 year old daughter won't go to school

Paulette - posted on 05/03/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old refuses to go to school. She refuses to do anything won't do ant of her chores. She's negative, she has low selfesteem. She has no confidence. As much as I encourage and compliment her daily. This behaviour of hers started about 6 months ago. I've gone to lengths of calling the school for help, counselling but because she refused to speak to anyone they can't help her. Now she's not eating or sleeping when she's suppose to. I am in constant battle with her. I don't know what eles to do. I had to quit my job, I have missed many of my appointments to stay home with her. What can I do?

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Sarah - posted on 05/03/2016

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Did something happen 6 months ago to trigger this behavior? Is she bullied? Has she seen a psychiatrist? Not a therapist but a medical doctor? What you can do is let her know that you are worried, but that you cannot help her if she will not tell you what is wrong. If she refuses to speak you have a choice; either let the behavior continue or take action. Even the moodiest of teens does not WANT to feel badly all of the time. For the school to say they can't help if she won't talk is pretty lazy on their part; but there is some truth to it. Why do you think she is doing this? If you think this is more serious than a case of teen brattiness ; then consider having her placed on a 72 hour psych hold. If you think she is just being stubborn, you CAN force her to go to school, as her parent that is your decision. Once you have a sense of what is motivating her behavior you can decide which way to go. If she is clinically depressed, then she needs treatment. If she is being manipulative and stubborn, then she needs her world turned upside down by losing all privileges and not getting them back until she earns them.

Dove - posted on 05/03/2016

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If she has stopped eating I would let her know that she NEEDS to talk to someone and talk to someone now. If she refuses to talk to anyone and she's still not eating you will have to have her hospitalized.

If she is still eating then medically it's not 'quite' as urgent, but I would not let up. If she would not talk at counseling we would go together and sit together and I would proceed to tell the therapist of all my concerns and goings on during the time between our last visit... and then I would leave the room and my daughter could sit there day after day not talking if that's what it takes.

I have some emotional concerns w/ my own teen daughter that have concerned me, but nothing so severe. I don't know what else to suggest. ♥

Is there anything she likes to DO.. like listen to music, draw or do puzzles, watch movies, any sport or physical activity? Maybe you can encourage her to engage in some activity w/ you... taking a walk every evening or watch a movie and have popcorn... Something. If you can engage her in a fun activity w/ you 'maybe' she will start getting comfortable enough to open up.

I'm so sorry!

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Paulette - posted on 05/07/2016

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Thank you Sara. Her behaviour began when she discovered anime. I've sat and watched it with her and I've seen where her behaviour is coming from. I have taken her privileges away. She has no more access to computer or tablet or video games and especially Netflix. She is still refusing to attend school. I've spoken to a truancy officer who is suppose to enforce her in attending school but as of so far it hasn't happened. I've tried taken her to speak with a counsellor but again she refuses to speak to them so they say they are unable to help. So I'm at a lost as what more I can do. She is so obsessed with this anime. She talks about it all the time and she's gone as far as liking a boy character. She also has stopped socializing with her friends, never wants to participate in anything. So I'm with her 24/7. It's stressful and heartbreaking. I try talking to her. She's so negative toward everything plus herself. I encourage her I compliment her but she says I'm just saying that to comfort her. I don't know what I can do. I just can't giving up on her. That's why I stay with her all the time.

Paulette - posted on 05/03/2016

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Thank you. I have taken her to talk to someone but because she's 13 and won't talk apparently they can't force her. I have relayed all my concerns to the school, counsellors but if she choses not to speak to them they are not will to help.
Thank you so much for your feedback

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