13 year old PORN

Monica - posted on 09/30/2015 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 13 teen year old has been sneaking porn on his devices, he use to have an iphone I took that away because of porn in the pass. We looked up the history on his Kindle and DS3 he's been watching it a lot. I talk about sex with him before, I don't want him to get the wrong idea that sex is bad, Is it ok for me to in-force rules in my house? No porn!!! I have 3 younger kids that share rooms with him. I'm making an appointment today to start some counseling so we can open up and talk about sex and other issues he's been having. Has anyone else had porn issues with their young teens or kids?

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Sarah - posted on 09/30/2015

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It is perfectly fine for you to say NO PORN! Not only is it gross (IMO) but it does not teach a realistic view of sexuality, what sex is like, or how to treat your partner.
Now, is it typical and interesting for teen boys? Yes. But that does not mean you have to allow it or permit him to view it, period. Open a dialog, talk about sex, about choosing safe partners, self esteem, treating a girl with respect, safety, birth control etc. Talk, talk, talk. I talk to my kids about sex like I talk about chores, and the weather. it is a common subject. My 19 yo son knows how I feel as does my 11 yo daughter. Sex is not bad, sex is a good thing. It is an expression of love between two adults who care for and respect each other.
I have strict parental controls on all devices and if my kids ever turn them off, they lose the device. I check histories and read texts once and a while. My position is a person or child who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. If my kids are deleting their history and hiding their devices then i figure they have something to hide.

Dove - posted on 10/01/2015

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Absolutely your house, your rules. The boy is 13. Curiosity is normal, of course, but porn is nasty and completely inappropriate viewing.

Good luck w/ the counseling!

Jodi - posted on 09/30/2015

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Remove the wifi. He clearly can't be responsible with it, and should not have free access to the internet at his age anyway.

With regard to the porn, it is ok to say no to porn because legally, he shouldn't be accessing it anyway - he is under 18. I'm glad to hear you have an appointment for counselling - it is really important for him to understand that porn is not a realistic representation of sex and relationships.

Jessica - posted on 09/30/2015

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Monica,

I have the same problem with my 15 year old. I have learned how to change the wifi password at home and limit internet access for him. We just discovered he is sexting with other girls. This has be comes a very big problem. I am very strict with the wifi in my house because I have younger kids around that dont need to know about all that this early. His mom bought him a cell phone that is like so old he can only access text and phone. No internet. So its been a blessing.

Good luck

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Jodi - posted on 10/09/2015

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Ah, yes, I suppose. Our kids at school hook up to the internet on their devices through our school wifi to save on their data download, LOL. The school wifi restricts.

Raye - posted on 10/09/2015

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I don't think they have access to porn from the school computers. But their friends could be giving them access to their devices, magazines, etc. at school or elsewhere.

Jodi - posted on 10/08/2015

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It sounded to me like she was referring to not being able to prevent this child accessing it on his Kindle and DS3, which is why I asked the question. As a parent, you have plenty of scope to minimise access. I'm certainly not suggesting the rest of her advice was not en pointe, but to suggest that there is little else to be done is not really true. Ultimately, it is a supervisory issue.

If your students where you live have access to porn through their school internet, then that is concerning.......I'd be looking into that.

Raye - posted on 10/08/2015

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Jodi, Davina's not necessarily wrong. Back in the 80's when I was 13, there was still porn. My uncle had a whole collection of Playboy and Penthouse in the basement (we lived in his house while he worked overseas). The garage sale around the block sold "romance novels" with some pretty graphic sex scenes. The corner drug store had Playboy and Playgirl on the shelves that could be easily absconded with when the clerk wasn't looking. In this day and age of electronic devices, internet, sex on everyday TV (even "family" channels), etc. it's pretty easy to access inappropriate material and share with your friends. Even if it's outlawed at home, it's at school and on the street.

I agree that you should discuss it with your son and let him know that porn doesn't show how real relationships work, and is usually not even how normal sex between loving couples works. You absolutely have a right to no porn in your house and monitor what he views on all electronic devices. But it is pretty normal behavior for a curious teenager, so I don't think the world needs to end over it. Just be sure to teach him respect for women and find him healthier outlets for his energy.

Jodi - posted on 10/07/2015

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I'm sorry, Davina, please enlighten me as to why it is impossible to prevent a child from accessing porn these day. I am curious about this particular theory, given you are the parent.

Davina Van - posted on 10/07/2015

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The best thing you can do is have a serious talk with your son, since it's almost impossible to stop him from accessing porn these days. At least, he won't get a wrong image about sex, as he grows up.

I really fear the day, my kids become teenagers. Maybe internet porn will be less accessible for minors by then. I can only hope.

Sarah - posted on 10/01/2015

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IMO even over 18, your house your rules. I don't look at my son's phone or computer as he just turned 19 but if I found porn, we'd have an issue. As much as we have talked about porn, how unrealistic it is, and just gross....he may have taken a peek but I think he finds his real life sweetie to be much more interesting

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