13 year old smells and wont keep clean

I - posted on 02/03/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )

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Hi, I don't know if anyone can help or give me advice here. My problem is my 13 yr old step daughter, who Ive known now over a year. She lives with her mum, and stays with her dad and i at least 4 times in the year over the holidays. I noticed that every day, most of the time she smells. And when I say smells, some days you gag, and I constantly tell her and her father does to to take a shower,. I am always finding dirty underwear and smelly urined and soiled clothes in her drawers, and I thought this was a new thing, but her father told me shes been doing that since she was 7!!. Now she has gotten her period since last August, and we are finding the smell is worst than ever, even an hour or so after a shower. I have come to the point where I have to constantly make sure everything is washed daily, which is a nightmare. I sat her down on the recent visit, to talk about her period and mood swings. I showed her how to use a pad, and explained to her that Hygiene is important in a woman.I have 3 bins around the house, and explained to her the pads she uses, need to be thrown away, she assured me that she would. Every day I started to check, and I couldn't see any sign of her disposing them. I have also become worried to constantly nag or approach her about this, as my partner kept saying, tell her tell her! in case she gets upset with me, so i gave her the benefit of the doubt because I wanted to trust her and her me. Over the 4 week stay here, we found the room was kept constantly in a mess, and there was a horrible smell coming from in there. I checked briefly, and unfortunately I didn't thoroughly check, I just kept washing her sheets and clothing, assuming that was the smell. In the end, I did a spring clean in her room after she left, and I found over a dozen used dirty pads in all her drawers, ( I Have 3 BINS around!!!) dirty soiled underwear, and smelly clothes . Then I found food in bowls, hidden under the bed, wrappers and lollipop sticks everywhere, and gum stuck on walls and bench. OMG I was horrified. I cannot believe this child, I did try over and over. We have tried telling her mother about this, and she either wont respond or says, she doesn't do that here. The mother always drinks, and neglects her, and so i show her a lot of love as much as I can, but my god, shes a nightmare. I am at my wits end, as my partner wants us to keep her. But how can we help her??? I have tried, he has tried, she just shrugs , says i don't know or puts on the tears. Occasionally gets angry, but wont accept any responsibility. HELP

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