13 year old son will not do homework, lies - I am ready to give up

Kimberly - posted on 12/03/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am ready to give up on my son. It's going on 3 years now and he short cuts his homework and lies about it. It started in 5th grade - his teacher was new to the school and had a very different way of teaching than he - or any of the kids - were used to. Many of the kids did poorly and I attributed that to the teacher and was not overly concerned - grades weren't great but mostly B's. 6th grade he didn't bother to do his homework, didn't bother to read the assignments, not turn things in - his teachers would make special concessions for him to come in early or stay late or miss their lunch to help him and he wouldn't bother to show (but with a great excuse - helping another student who broke his leg,etc..) He is a very, very sweet kid - if not a bit manipulative - he doesn't yell, or bully or anything oppositional so this problem comes as a surprise to most people. I've tried sitting him at the table for 1.5 hours - but if the kids lies and says they have no homework he is perfectly content just sitting there - that really doesn't work. I have tried tutors, counselors at $250.00/hr. He even so charmed/lied to the counselor that at the last session the counselor cut it short by 30 minutes saying he was good to go. People love this kid and he's working so hard to drive everyone away. Teachers are giving up on him - they go out of their way for him and he doesn't care. He actually doesn't care about anything. He wasn't allowed to play travel basketball last year because his grades were so poor, he does some TV work but again, he can't do that because his grades are so poor he can't get a work permit. I am ready to give up on him too or at least back off and let him experience the consequences - which will range from 1) not passing 7th grade 2) pulling him out of private school and putting him in public school or 3) maybe he'll finally get it. I am looking at moving him in public school because all of the benefits you get at private (sports programs, language, music) he cannot participate in because of his grades. He's not in language class this year as he is in a special study skills class which is not doing any good whatsoever. I took him to have a skills assessment and there didn't seem to be any issues with attention - and you can see it in his grades. He gets in trouble and gets 80's, 90's & 100, then flakes and gets 40's or doesn't even bother. He just doesn't care about anything . How do you make someone care about their own life and future? I can make him do his homework (sort of) but if he can't be bothered to turn it in - I just don't know what to do. Here's a typical scenario: as science assignment due - doesn't bother to read the directions, turns in a half done assignment and gets an F. Teacher writes on the grading sheet, please re-do and re-submit. Doesn't bother to re-do until I find it in the bottom of his backpack 3+ weeks later. Re-does it but again doesn't read the instructions and doesn't bother to turn in the original grading sheet and is required. so, 2 chances and STILL doesn't bother to do it right. This was an EASY assignment - with an example and all he had to do was replace some sources cited for research. When I ask him WHY he didn't read the instructions all I get is an "I don't know". I can't care enough for the both of us - what do I do???

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Mae - posted on 12/03/2013

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sound kind of like my son hes 10 but he has add,adhd reading disorder,pdd-nos and odd my want to take him to doctor and tell him whats going on

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