13 years daughter

Luisa - posted on 12/30/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My 13 years daughter went to spend afternoon with her friend while i was at work. She left her friends place without adult permission to the park around 6:30pm, we found her around 9pm with a friend walking in the street. She scared us, desapointted us, broke our heart. We found unappropiate stuff on her iPhone, now she is grounded! No electronic devices for looong time. How a situation like this has been managed by other parents?

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Luisa - posted on 12/30/2014

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Thank you Jodi, well...my daughter wasn't going to be back home by herself, she didn't have curfew because I was going to pick her up after work, no later than 6:30 pm....she knew that! This is the first time that happens!.... I don't think she really get it! She just want her devices back.... Its been 4 days that she is grounded! No iPhone, no computer, no iPad! Me and her dad hasn't decide yet until when...we have been divorced since she was 4, so pretty much she is with me most of the time...starting this year she had been more involved with her dad, and now she is spending time with him because my job schedule! But we both are very involved on our daughter's life! We are facing so many stages of feelings! Even a denial! How our perfect girl is changing so much! Is not possible! Omg! So many questions! We are going through a though moment and I think I'm the one who is more in pain, adding to this that my mommy just passed away 4 weeks ago!

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2014

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I'd also be banning her from having any freedom and letting her know she clearly can't be responsible. However, I do have to ask, did you give her a clear curfew on when she had to be home too? I think it's time to set very clear guidelines and consequences. Make it clear that she must be where she says she is going to be (i.e. at her friend's house where she told you she would be) and she must be home by the set curfew, and so on. However, given she has broken your trust, she is now going to have to earn some of that back. Does she understand how her actions affected you? Is she upset by how much she scared you? I think her reaction to the current situation would affect how I would implement consequences. Genuine remorse shown may indicate that it is unlikely to happen again.

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