13 yr girl doesn't want to go to custodial (divorce on going) parent dad: police at the door? he's out side my door!

Diane - posted on 04/15/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Off the record, my 13 yr old girl doesnt want to go home with her dad who is banging on my door. I have tried for the last 2 hours to get her to co-operate to go with him. She has begged him to let her stay. (she can't stand living with him), but he has pulled some "fast ones"
and got full custody. She lived withe since I left in March 2008 til Feb. 2011 and would not stay over night at his house. Both the therapist and the nutritionist (court ordered-even though she had been losing weight during the 6 months prior to Feb
2011 and has gained 30 lbs since he took her) both have tried to convince him to allow her to live with me. I didn't let him in because I felt she was too distressed, though I encouraged her to get dressed and go with him. Question is what is the right thing to do? And what course will he take? (although I think she is safe there, she has told me and Kent Tousaint, the therapist that she doesn't feel safe there. Also I explained to
Karen (13yr old) that I would prefer that she sleep at her dads because of all the work I
have. She refused. Sorry to bother you (you can bill me for a response) but we're scared emotionally.
He is still here and called the police. Then what?

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Diane - posted on 04/16/2012

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The police came to the door after midnight. She was sleeping in my room. I answered and the police was holding the court order (that he gave them) and they told me that they had to enforce the order. One of them told me that he wanted to come in to see if she was alright. I told him, okay, but I should put the two small dogs in the other room, because one might bite. He said, "well, I have boots on". I said okay, if you want, but I have another bedroom I could put them in. I'll leave the door ajar if you want. He agreed. After, he came in and I opened the bedroom door (in an apartment) and he saw her sleeping. He said I had to wake her and she had to dress and leave with him. I went to her and told her. (She wasn't dressed.) The policeman came to her and told her that she needed to get dressed and get her things, quickly. She nodded. The policeman told me that he wanted to talk to me while she dressed. We stepped into the dining area. He said that I had to have her things ready to go when it was time, and that I had to follow the court order or I could be arrested and go to jail. (I didn't know that, because I was in court for many hours to get a fee waiver from the judge in our trial and saw him conclude a six year long divorce. In the course of their discussion the husband complained that the son Never Visited him. After I asked the wife how that could be. She said that the son at age 11 Refused to see his dad and she couldn't make him go. If the police came, he would refuse to go and he did not see his dad for the six years. I told this to the policeman. I told him that I thought if the child refused and was older (13 years old) that they would not have to go with them. The policemen said that the child could be placed in court (? forgot the name) custody, and someone (meaning me, the mom) could go to jail. I asked why the boy got away without seeing his dad. The policeman said that the husband did not press charges or try to enforce the court order by calling the police. So I said, you mean that when my son was refusing to see me (he was angry that I moved out), I could have called the police and enforced the court visitation order? He said yes. I can tell you that my son would have hated me (not just been angry) had I done that. (Though I wish I'd known because I wanted to see him more than I did.) So my daughter went, and was very upset for quite a while. The policeman said that this would make me look bad. To which I replied, well that is why my husband called you. It wasn't for our daughter's sake. I lost time with her the previous day, because I brought her to his brother's son's birthday family dinner, and I had told her father that she wanted to make up that time by spending the night with me. I can't get representation because he has all the community funds in his name. (Lots.)

Medic - posted on 04/15/2012

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Well what happened? She is old enough that she should be able to choose where she wants to live in most states. I am assuming the nutritionist is because she is over weight? (just from your context) I am sorry I am not much help, when I was 13 my dad finially got custody of me, which is what I wanted and my mom had visitation. I refused every visit for 3 years before she finially stopped trying to force me. The police would not do anything because of my age and the fact that it was ME refusing to go. Then she was a non custodial parent. I hope all works out for both of you.

Medic - posted on 04/15/2012

3,922

19

552

Well what happened? She is old enough that she should be able to choose where she wants to live in most states. I am assuming the nutritionist is because she is over weight? (just from your context) I am sorry I am not much help, when I was 13 my dad finially got custody of me, which is what I wanted and my mom had visitation. I refused every visit for 3 years before she finially stopped trying to force me. The police would not do anything because of my age and the fact that it was ME refusing to go. Then she was a non custodial parent. I hope all works out for both of you.

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