13yr old in shared custody wont return home

Dd - posted on 09/22/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

9

0

0

Hi im a single mom with 4 kids. 3 of which im in a shared custody parentship with my ex.one of my twins who is 13 and has adhd and characteristics of aspbergers has in the past not wanted to return to his dads for various reasons.CAS has been involved and has given a caution to my exs wife and to him for harsh discipline and assultive behaviour to my son and youngest my son was made to return back. Ever since then my son has been different towards me and very abusive verbally to me....I dont stand for it and let him know I have rule in my home. He has now left me cus he doesnt want to follow my rules and has gone to live with his dad....I had him for 1.5yrs everyday when he wouldnt go to his dads and never got a red penny. He has been gone to my ex for 3 weeks and my ex is wanting support from me when the past 2yrs I havent taken a dime.he makes more money than me and I have 3 other kids to support. ....I miss my son a lot and would like him back but only if he follows my rules.i dont feel I should be paying support when I didnt get any before.....its a mess and my ex is being an a$$ about it. What should I do?

10 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 09/24/2013

3,516

36

3906

Well, I guess it depends on your priorities. I don't know where you live, but if the tax office/department ends up reviewing his income and it turns out he has provided fraudulent records, surely I don't have to point out to you the consequences of that one? Maybe, after that, you won't actually NEED a lawyer?

Dd - posted on 09/24/2013

9

0

0

That doesnt cost but then it will have to return to court to get it all changed. I will then need to pay a retainer for a lawyer and go through the long process of court etc.which does cost money. Have you ever been through case/settlement conferences and then court? If you have then you know what i will be dealing with. Its very expensive, which is what I wanted to avoid in the first place by signing off my child supoort from him. I didnt want the headache of going through this crap every year. But I will contact the taxation dept and see if they will audit him.....that at least might spark some interest for them at least.

Jodi - posted on 09/24/2013

3,516

36

3906

I'm sorry, it costs you money to dob him in for a taxation office investigation? Can't you just contact your tax department and let them know what you know with the evidence you have and get him audited?

Jodi - posted on 09/24/2013

3,516

36

3906

If you have an issue with his declared income, why not have the taxation department look into it? If you have evidence that he is clearly earning more than he declares, do something about it.

Dd - posted on 09/23/2013

9

0

0

Originally the crt order states he was to pay but then when he showed his notice of assessment it shows he makes less then me which he truly does not. So they let him off paying back for the 1.5 yrs my son lived 24/7 with me. He has his own business and works at a big corp plus does work under the table.instead of me battling and trying to prove his true income I eventually gave up and let him not pay anything.....and had the order change to this. Now my son doesnt like the rules in my home and has gravitated to his dads house of no rules. He has only been there 3 weeks and my ex is looking for money from me. Im just in a position where im questioning if I need to pay him when I didnt get anything when my son lived with me and now im expected to pay.....it just doesnt seem right. And like I said before..my son is afraid of his dad and will just try to please him. His dad has been working/bribing all my kids to go live with him so he can collect child supoort from me and live an even richer life. Did I mention he makes 200G a year and has his gfs income to help pay bills etc and I make 3x less than him. He claims he only makes 80g but I was tigether with him when he was making 150g 7yrs ago and has had 2 promotiins since. Bottom line....I guess bribing and having lots of money wins out in the end or so it seems.

Jodi - posted on 09/23/2013

3,516

36

3906

I am confused now. What do the custody orders say should be happening? You both need to follow those. With regard to the child support, you are kind of contradicting yourself - you said that he was ordered to pay nothing, but then you said you let him off to be amicable. Confusing.....

Dd - posted on 09/23/2013

9

0

0

There is an order then and now and thats where it gets complicated....hes an accountant who hides his money and claims he makes less then me so the court let him off paying me. We currently have an order that states no money gets exchanged..however now if my son lives with him ft I will have to pay. My son is terrified of his father who is abusive controlling and manipulitive. My son has left his fathers several times to live with me due to the abuse but given our pathetic legal system, he has always been forced to return....this child is scared and doesnt want to make his dad mad which is why he has left to go there....this pleases his dad because it hurts me. The old saying goes if u cant beat them join them. Right now his dad is bribing him to stay so hes not there because he is loved and cared for...hes there for the bribes and to please his dad cus he keeps losing against our system. Its a very complicated situation. Cas even sees it but can onky do so much when my son wont talk against his dad. I let my ex off of child support 2 yrs ago to try and be amicible....hes just a mean person and his wife is no better. Its just the whole situation which is a mess. The lawyers dont even know what to do. Im not bitching as you said...I just need help with this.

Jodi - posted on 09/22/2013

3,516

36

3906

Ok, so this is about the support.

Firstly, if you don't have a child support order, you have no right to bitch about not receiving support. Yes, he should have been paying it anyway, but that's what the system is for, to ensure it happens. If you DO have a child support case/order and he didn't pay it, there should be a back debt, in which case anything you have to pay him would go against what he owes. But given you have 3 of the children and he only has one, then he is still the one who probably has to pay. Go and get a new child support case and have it reviewed.

With regard to your son living with him, well, if he is happy, loved and cared for, I'd personally let it go and try to discuss visitation.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms