13yr old still wets the bed but fights us to help fix the problem!! HELP HELP!

Sarah - posted on 01/23/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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He fights us to do his laundry and will lay soaked in pee for hours in the morning!! All medical tests are normal. I guess we are so frustrated b/c he doesn't seem to care or do anything to help fix the problems. He will wake up at night and shut his alarm off (I have 3 alarms set 2.5 hours apart) and not go to the bathroom. But if he is thirsty he will wake up and get a drink. To my husband and myslef he is being lazy. I thought about sending him to school in his pull-up. ANY ADVICE PLEASE HELP!!

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Jodi - posted on 01/23/2013

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Sarah, have you tried the medication for him? My step son wet the bed up until he was 13. Nothing we did worked. He tried the medication back when he was about 9, and it didn't work, it was suggested maybe he simply wasn't ready, but the combination of puberty and the medication when he was 13 worked for him and he literally stopped wetting overnight. We have never had an issue again.

I agree with Dove, however, that he needs to take responsibility for himself. My stepson would shower in the morning, wash any laundry that needed doing (most of the time he would wet through his pull-ups, they simply aren't effective for this age), change his bed, etc. We would often have to remind him to change his bed, it was frustrating, but at this age, I just accept that they are quite vague and need a lot of reminding.

Anyway, just wanted to share in case you hadn't tried the medication :)

Dove - posted on 01/23/2013

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Do you do his laundry when he does this? If so... stop. If the smell gets too bad, keep his door shut. If he smells too bad... he can stay in his room except to eat, use the bathroom, and go to school (also make sure any and all electronics/fun stuff is out of his room). You aren't punishing him for wetting the bed.... just making HIM responsible for taking care of it. He's 13, so plenty old enough to take this responsibility. Take yourself out of the problem and let him solve it himself... or live in his filth. His choice.

He may or may not be able to control the bed wetting, but he's certainly old enough to take responsibility for his own care about it.

Holly - posted on 01/23/2013

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NO! do not humiliate this boy. you have looked into medical issues, but have you looked into psychological evaluations? He might listen to someone outside of these circumstances. I would NEVER do something as humiliating as sending my kids to school in a pull-up, ESPECIALLY a teenage boy.

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Sarah - posted on 01/23/2013

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Thank you Dove. I talked to a child behavior therapist yesterday and she said the same thing. Showing him that he needs to stop joking about it and take responsibility because his actions are affecting the whole family now, even down to the dogs who see his room as a second backyard. Its just difficult to step back from the situation. Thanks for your responses!!

Holly - posted on 01/23/2013

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have you asked him if wetting the bed embarrased him? have you asked why he doesn't go to the bathroom during the night when the alrms go off? or why he doesn't want to get out of his soiled clothes? have you explained to him that he will smell of urine when he goes to school with out showering and that people may make fun of him?

Sarah - posted on 01/23/2013

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Thank you! We did see a child psychologist and they determined that he fell into the typical 13 yr old category. He is a little immature but the reason we get so upset is even just to use the bathroom before bed he yells and says "he doesn't need to" or "I just went 30 min ago". We assumed that he would be embarrassed and be more enthusiastic about stopping by now. In my thinking...If he wanted to stop and it bothered him, then he wouldn't put up such a fight. GRRRR... Its just frustrating. He wets through his pull-ups and pajamas every night and the smell can get horrific. He's as big as I am and will wet 2-3 times a night and it just soaks everything.

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