14 year daughter has loser girl friends

Pat - posted on 04/24/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I want my daughter to have more normal, popular friends. She is on the lowest rung of the social ladder, all her friends have obvious issues: mentally handicapped, ADHD, gay, fat etc. When we moved here just before 4th grade she knew one neighbor girl who was going to be in her class. The first day of school not knowing anyone but this girl my daughter asks if she can join her and her friends at lunch and they say no so she goes and sits at a table by herself. She has tried to start conversations with other girls who either ignore her or give one word answers. A new girl moved in across the street who ended up being her grade level and my daughter invited her to sit with her and her friends at lunch which she did briefly then said she wasn't comfortable with the friends. This person no longer talks to my daughter at the school bus stop in the morning now my daughter wants to be driven to school to avoid her. Should I approach the mom? I told my daughter to talk to the more socially successful girls but she's tired of their rejection. The school counselor and teachers excuse the girls rejection by saying its because
the other girls grew up together. I think my daughter is getting rejected because she is not beautiful (glasses, acne, short). We
buy her clothes so she can at least fit in that way (she is a modest girl and won't wear the booty shorts the popular swear). I feel bad that I want her to have normal friends but can't help it. I took her and 2 friends to the mall to hang out and the friends (one gay one ADHD ) couldn't even grasp the concept. She plays competitive tennis but the same kinds of girls are there too - rich kids who judge people on looks.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/27/2015

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Wow. It sounds like your daughter's friends are fine, but perhaps her mother's thinking could use some adjustment!

Your daughter is quite obviously a beautiful person, inside and out, but you apparently are stuck on 'being popular' (She IS popular...with her choice of peers), dressing 'right' (or like a promiscuous young lady who thinks her body's there for show, rather than her personality), and hanging with the 'right' (rich kids who are judgmental) crowd. Rather than you trying to make her fit YOUR idea of how she should look and act, and who she should socialize with, I think it's time for YOU to get a reality check.

There is absolutely NO reason for you to imply that a child who is affected by ADHD cannot enjoy a social outing. There's even LESS reason for you to imply that a gay person cannot enjoy friends.

If I had to choose between being YOUR friend, or your daughters...I'd choose your daughter every time.

Raye - posted on 04/27/2015

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I was not the "popular" girl in school. My friends were the nerds, band geeks, theatre freaks, gays, goths, and misfits. I was picked on by various groups "higher on the social ladder". But I could also see that the popular kids weren't really all that happy either. One of our popular star football players committed suicide. It may appear that the "grass is greener on the other side" and we tend to want something different than what we have. But many times, there is nothing wrong with what we have. I liked being an outcast, because I could be myself, and didn't have to put up appearances to keep fitting in to the popular mold. I went to my 20-year HS reunion last year, and the "popular" people still didn't seem any happier or more successful than I am. So, what did all that "social status" in school get them? Nothing. Teach your daughter to enjoy these years with the people that accept her for who she is and to make her own way in the world. Those "popular" kids can f- off.

Ali - posted on 04/26/2015

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Learn from your daughter... she hangs out with girls who enjoy her presence, not her clothes. She is an amazing girl. Who are you to say she isn't beautiful? Anyone who acts like her is gorgeous. You are supposed to be her mother, and respect her in all she does, and who she is. Leave her be, and let her find friends who respect her.

Gena - posted on 04/25/2015

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What is is not normal being fat,gay or having ADHD?? Is looks all that counts?? You are teaching your daughter wrong by wanting her to have "normal" friends. What is so wrong in having friends that are fat,gay or have ADHD? These girls may be the sweetest but you judge them for reasons that should not be judged. Don't judge a book by its cover! It's the inside what counts!! You should really start teaching your daughter that looks aren't the most important thing in life. And just because a person looks "good" doesn't mean they are nice people. I find it quite sad that you want your daughter to be friends girls that are more "successful".

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Sarah - posted on 04/25/2015

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Being pretty and wearing fancy clothing does not make you friend worthy. this whole post seems very superficial and weird.

Dove - posted on 04/25/2015

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I think you may benefit from some counseling to learn to accept your daughter for who she is... there is NOTHING wrong w/ being a friend to a 'fat' (what kind of creep judges a person on their weight?!) kid, a gay kid, or a kid w/ ADHD.... sounds like your daughter doesn't judge people based on their looks... unlike her mother.

Gena - posted on 04/25/2015

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YOU can actually learn something from your daughter! Not to be so judgmental and fixed on looks.

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