14 year old daughter wearing tiny thongs and mini skirts, is this ok?

Chelsea - posted on 08/17/2013 ( 26 moms have responded )

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She has a big butt and like showing it when we go out using mini skirts and thongs with flip flops in hot days!
I tell her not to do it but she still wearing too provocative. Should I stop buying tiny underwear for her and mini skirts? Please be considerate, you know how girls like being attractive and no matter what we do, they always find a way to look sexy for boys at all times...Any similar issues that you have with your girls or someone that you know is? thank you!

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Michelle - posted on 08/19/2013

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You shouldn't even have to ask this.
Gena: you can't blame the way females dress for getting abused and raped. That is done by sick people.

User - posted on 08/19/2013

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I just saw your post, what if I stop buying her these things? Well if you sit down with her and explain to her (and get through) that you dont have to look that way to get a boy you want, she wont want to go out behind your back and get them. You could also, if you give her money to go out with friends, when she gets home ask her what she got and let her show you what she bought. Im not saying go through her things, because thats an invasion, and she needs to be truthful with you, but when she gets home with bags, just ask her to show you what she got. I know at the age I loved to show off what I got, Im sure it would be a more inconspicuous way of going about it,

Gena - posted on 08/19/2013

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I know that anybody,any age can be raped and abused.Its just that here where i live they are starting to have more and more problems of teenagers raping and abusing these young girls.When i see how they walk around i sometimes think to myself that they are looking for trouble in the way they show the body.Its not only how they dress,i dont think mothers should let young girls or boys be hanging around outside at times like 11oclock at night and later. I know that rape and abuse is not about how somebody is dressed but i think there is a risk of getting into trouble by showing to much body.

Leandra - posted on 08/19/2013

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I would be okay with the thong so panty lines don't show (like for volleyball player who wear the bike shorts), but I wouldn't get her skirts that she would not be allowed to wear to school. I think if you are uncomfortable with her wearing it then you should not get it for her.

I think since your daughter is trying hard to be sexy for the guys she is at a higher risk of teen pregnancy. If you haven't already, I think it is time to have the sex talk with her. I caution against flat out saying don't have sex, as teens tend to do the opposite of what you ask. Educate her on the dangers of sex, (STD's & Pregnancy) Make sure to tell her what will keep her from getting pregnant and what won't. I have worked with youth before, and many believe eating beets and douching with Dr. Pepper will keep you from getting pregnant. Also discuss self esteem, and when she chooses to have sex, it should be because she wants too not because he wants too. Point out that boys have more respect for girls who wait then ones who give in easily. Reminder her about the gossip she already hears in school. I always stressed that if they have one shred of doubt, it is not the right time and to wait.

If you are uncomfortable, there are a lot of sites that will help you, just google "talking to your kids about sex"

Good Luck

Gena - posted on 08/19/2013

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Do you mind if i ask what a troll question is?is it a fake question or fake profile? the only trolls i know are the ones from children stories :-)
Btw. They are starting to banned children going to school with string tangas and mini skirts..just imagine we have problems with 12 year olds going to school like that..its madness.

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Jodi - posted on 08/20/2013

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Another troll. Ok, I think I might lock this post because I should have to continue to delete additional troll posts.

Thanks for your input ladies!

Jodi
WtCoM moderator

Leandra - posted on 08/19/2013

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I meant to say higher risk for teen sex, though pregnancy is also a risk.

Angela - posted on 08/19/2013

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If she has a "big butt" why on earth is she even WANTING to choose underwear that's unflattering to her shape?

Let's get something clear ...... Girls do NOT (at least at this young age) dress with the aim of attracting boys. Boys come to puberty LATER than girls.

Whilst they're still at school, girls dress to impress their peers. Other girls who are keeping an eye on what everyone's wearing and are very vocal in their opinions are potentially quite dangerous and damaging to someone's self-esteem. Communal changing rooms for sports lessons at school means that not much is missed by the other girls. Ask the parents of any girl who goes to a single-sex school. It's not the boys that are influencing her. It's the girls. It's about fashion and also about "my Mom treats me more like a grown-up that yours does ....." But this is often dressed up and disguised as "boys will find this more attractive ....."

I would stop buying her the underwear that her "big butt" is hanging out of. Understand that when it comes to teenagers and clothes, not only can she buy herself stuff that YOU wouldn't buy but also her friends can get her stuff as gifts. She wouldn't be the first teenager to request something that you weren't going to buy for her! Teenagers also share and swap clothes.

I agree that you can only do so much to influence her and you can't live in her pocket.

By the way, the idea of thong underwear is to minimise or eradicate "Visible Pantie Line" being evident through clothing. It's NOT to have a triangle of coloured cloth & lace on show above the waistband of your skirt or jeans!

Jodi - posted on 08/19/2013

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Yes, I suspect it is a fake question :D It happens all the time around here. I do question anyone who describes their child as having a big butt and wearing a thong under a mini skirt......and then has to ask if this is ok.

Jodi - posted on 08/19/2013

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That's fine Gena, I'm sure you didn't mean it that way!! I also see the point you were trying to make, because there is no way I want my daughter dressing like that.

That's aside from the fact I think this was a troll question to begin with ;)

User - posted on 08/19/2013

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14?? Its not a question, Not at all. She needs your guidance to show her how to dress appropriately and modestly. I personally wouldnt buy these things for a daughter because I want her to know how to respect her body and to know that dressing sexy isnt a way to obtain attention from boys, There's other ways of doing that.
Now when I was that age I thought completely different than I do now, But now being 24, I know now that the ones that look at the girls with short skirts and low cut tops are not the boys that you want. There are clothes out there to make yourself look good that arnt that revealing.

Gena - posted on 08/19/2013

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Thats a very good arguement.Thank you,and i apologize that it came across as if it would be the victims fault.

Jodi - posted on 08/19/2013

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If she is "forced", regardless of her actions, regardless of how she was dressed, as long as she was not a willing participant in any way (and that includes passed out drunk), it is still rape. Instead of telling our daughters they should be careful of how they dress because then they are "asking for trouble" (i.e if they are raped it is their responsibility) we need to teach our boys that it doesn't matter how a woman dresses, or what her actions may be, if she says no, if she is unwilling, the answer is no and it is not his right to go against that (i.e. he is responsible if he rapes a woman).

Gena - posted on 08/19/2013

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I am sorry that what i wrote sounds like i take the blame off the rapist.I 100percent agree that the rapist is at fault.Its difficult for me to explain in english what i actualy mean.Here some girls hang out in groups with boys,they go out late at night,drink and then get used,forced to do sexual stuff,the boys film the act with the phone and then the girls go to the police.So i am now actualy not quite sure if this is rape?I would just feel horrible if i had a daughter and this would happen to her,i would feel guilty of letting her go drink and party late at night.Does this make sense?

Jodi - posted on 08/19/2013

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Gena, I don't think Michelle was saying you are a sick person. The rapists are sick people.

Rape is not about sex, it is about power and control. It makes no difference how a person dresses. Research data has actually shown that the way one dresses does not influence a rapist in the choice of his victims.

By stating such things as "girls are looking for trouble dressed like that" you are removing the absolute blame of the rape from the rapist and part of it onto the victim, when in fact, the rapist is 100% responsible for the rape. You are also downplaying the true nature of rape and making it about a spontaneous sexual act, when in fact it is generally a planned and calculated act of violence.

Gena - posted on 08/19/2013

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Michelle i am not quite sure if i understood your post right, are you saying i am a sick person for what i wrote?

Chelsea - posted on 08/19/2013

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What if I stop buying these things.,Im sure she will find a way to get them,. oh well

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2013

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Yes I do. My children also respect me as their Mother and know what I expect in relation to what they wear and how they act.

Gena - posted on 08/19/2013

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No its not ok!If had a daughter i would NEVER allow her to walk around like that,i mean honostly...she is 14. If you realy are a mother then forbid her to walk around like a "i am not going to use the word". Even though i must say i am DISGUSTED how some young girls walk around here and go to school like that,and then mothers ask why theyr daughter get abused or even raped.

Jodi - posted on 08/17/2013

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You really have to ask this question?

Or are you just a troll, because I don't know ANY real mother who would even ask something so obvious.

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