14 yr old daughter Group counseling confidentiality broken

Tricia - posted on 10/04/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My Lil girl is 14, she has been in counseling for a little over a year now. She first started being abused when she was 4, by my babysitters nephew, who at the time was in his 30s. I didn't find out about it till she was 10. He never penitrated her, but did enuff to hurt her. I made sure the monster was put away long enough so that when it is released my Lil girl wI'll no longer feel threatened by it. My daughter refused counseling at that time, and I was afraid to force her to go. It was a decision I would later regret. Just a few days before my daughter turned 13 she told me that her pappy was molesting her, and that he started doing so when she was about 11. I almost left my house with my gun that night, and if it wasn't for the fact that my children seen me with it in my hand and asked what I was doing. Let's just say I snapped out of it before I did what I believe I was going to do. I forced my Lil girl into counseling, I had started going as well after that. I quit my job to be with my kids at all times. My baby girl had tried to commit suicide by hanging herself. When that failed she started cutting. I had never felt so dirty in my life as I did while doing full body searches on her. I had no choice but to become that mom that searched her kids room. But I wasn't looking for her secrets, I was searching for knifes and razors and anything else she might hurt herself with. She did stop hurting herself and every day she gets stronger. And she loves going to both her group and individual counseling meetings. That is until today. One of the other girls in her group goes to the same school as her, and this girl has been telling the other kids at school all about what happened to my daughter. My daughter immediately told her counselor that she would not longer be attending group meetings, something she had only been attending for about 6 months. And I'm now so afraid of what the other kids will say to her or how they will treat her. Let alone how afraid she is. But I'm also terrified that she will hurt herself again, or be successful in another attempt on her own life. This school year was going so well for her, making new friends, not wearing all black every day. She has been really happy. I was also getting myself back. After being told that this was my fault, that I was a bad mother. And now I'm freaking out, I don't know what to do. I'm scared, I'm really scared.

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P - posted on 10/05/2016

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Is there any chance she could change schools? It is too bad that she was attending therapy with girls that she knows. Unfortunately, most teens are all very insecure and always looking for ways to put others down to make themselves feel better. Since it sounds like therapy was helping your daughter, I would recommend doing what ever is needed to make her comfortable returning for that help. If changing schools is not an option, maybe have her go back to one on one counseling for now.

Tricia - posted on 10/05/2016

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Going to group was my daughters decision. She started off in a group of older girls and she was the youngest, and she really liked it. Then her counselor got together a group of girls her age, and she really liked that to. She liked the fact that she wasn't the only one going through this, and that she would have the support of her pears when needed. She has come such a long way. She has even gone to seminars for sexual abuse, and has even gotten up and spoke on her own free will telling her story. And has told me how it's made her feel so good being able to do that. But the truth is kids can be mean. I'm worried about the kids in her school saying stuff to her, turning her back into a victim instead of being a survivor.

Michelle - posted on 10/05/2016

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I would be letting the counselors know what has happened and I hope they put better measures in place so it doesn't happen again.
I also think she would have been better off in the individual sessions until she became stronger but you can't turn back the clock and what's done is done.
Do you know who the other girl is? Do you know her parents? Maybe you need to have a chat with the parents and let them know what their daughter has done so they can deal with her. Hopefully they can discuss with her why she needs to keep quiet about what is said in the group sessions.

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