15 year old daughter snuck in boyfriend

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/14/2014

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***MoD WaRnInG***

Enough in thread bickering ladies. Only 17 comments and almost half were arguing about parenting styles. Move on. I will close this thread if necessary.

WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs

Dove - posted on 08/14/2014

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Shawnn is correct that 'they all do it' is incorrect. I never snuck a boy in my house and I didn't have sex until I was 23. Sometimes... when you raise your child a certain way... it actually works. :)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/14/2014

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FYI..."They all do" is a very inaccurate statement. NOT ALL teens choose to break house rules or betray their parents' trust.

Heather - posted on 08/14/2014

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First of all I am sorry. I know that you must be disappointed. I would just talk to her about it and let her know how you feel. Tell her that you want her to keep open communication and be honest with you. Also let her know that there are consequences to having sex before marriage.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/12/2014

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I see the effects of passive parenting daily in my job as an undergraduate student coordinator. Therefore, my post was directly related to my experience as both a parent, AND a professional.

ETA: I only 'called you out' because you were actively attacking another poster. Your 'professional' side sure didn't show through at that point ;-)

Cheers!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/14/2014

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@ Ms Racicot: to whom were you referring?

Who needs to 'get over yourself and realize parenting is a complex job'? Do you think that NO ONE else responding here is a parent, that no one understands their kids?

to whom are you referring when you say 'this isn't a contest, I don't care what you do'? What makes you think that someone else thinks this is a contest? Its a forum where people post questions/ask opinions/solicit advice. Therefore, responses are going to be posted.

To whom are you referring when you ask 'do you have NO trust in your child?

Linda - posted on 08/14/2014

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I have no fascination with you . You also need to get over yourself and realize parenting is a complex job and a little more love and understanding goes a long way this isn't a contest I don't care about what you do . How embarrassing is this for these teens to be discussed like this do you have NO trust in your own child or yourself ?

Amanda-Beth - posted on 08/14/2014

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They all do. I did at 15 though I didn't do anything sexual. My sister did and while yeah she did do sexuak activity after tricking me. One angry dad as to ne expected. Honestly just make sure if she is going to she knows safe sex. I don't like it when they do but if 15 yr old wants sex they will hwve it so best to teach them how to be safe about it.

Linda - posted on 08/12/2014

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I think you are confused I don't advocate passive parenting I also don't believe in making a big issue about something to embarrass a teen . There was no info that these `children` were actually having relations when one speaks to a teen it can have repercussions that last a life time. I have raised 5 great children all married but one about to be , they use the same ways of dealing with their children as I did not because I told them to so I must have taught them something . Also in professions of dealing with children and the public , university grads . I also have wonderful grandchildren and my oldest has many friends over but there are rules and she adheres to them so don't call me out on what I have to say it is after all a free forum . If someone is offering up punishments and free advice they might want to have a degree or talk to a professional . Children grow up and they remember a great many things some can be hurtful I guess maybe I just don't know of any who misbehave have a nice day

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/12/2014

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Linda,

Why are you attacking Dove for her response? FYI, telling someone that " Dove you need to get some counseling advice before you spew" is a targeted attack.

Why did you feel that Dove needs counseling? Because she's raised a child that already knows better than to try to sneak her boyfriend in at night? I've raised TWO children that knew better!

Another FYI...passive parenting, such as you are advocating ('Don't make an issue of it as she may see this in a different light and it could come back to haunt you') WILL come back to haunt you.

But, are you REALLY advocating passive parenting? Or what? 'Probably they were doing nothing ,,, maybe a guilty conscious led you to believe something else or she was not given rules . She wont be with your long why go overboard time for a talk this girl is still a child maybe she is alone too much she needs a mom' On the one hand, you tell the OP to do nothing, on the other, you accuse her of not parenting at all.

Care to clarify?

Dove - posted on 08/11/2014

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Linda... I was simply talking about MY family and what 'I' would do.. because my kids are smarter than that. The OP has given us no real information to go on... and I've been in counseling (not for parenting at all, but we talk about it still) for the past 2.5 years straight... and the counselor 100% supports my parenting. Perhaps YOU should be in counseling before you try and tell other people how to live their lives.

I never told the OP what to do... just what 'I' would do.

Linda - posted on 08/09/2014

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some women can have some very harsh words when not needed every situation is not like yours think before you speak or scold trust me tough love can send a girl right into the wrong arms or to the street . Dove you need to get some counseling advice before you spew

Linda - posted on 08/09/2014

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Probably they were doing nothing ,,, maybe a guilty conscious led you to believe something else or she was not given rules . She wont be with your long why go overboard time for a talk this girl is still a child maybe she is alone too much she needs a mom

Teresa - posted on 08/08/2014

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Having been a 15 year old that snuck her boyfriend in, I will tell you that she needs your love and guidance. She needs to know what is appropriate and face the consequences. SHe will retaliate like its WW3 but hold strong. Believe it or not, deep
down she is craving your input and discipline. The world is so much bigger now than when we were kids. WHat were they doing? That is a good conversation starter.

Dove - posted on 08/07/2014

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My 15 year old would be in so much trouble... life as she knew it would be OVER until she became trustworthy again. My house, my rules and I don't play like that.

My oldest, at 12, currently has more sense than that though. ;)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/07/2014

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Then 15 YO needs some consequences. If this is a first offense, restriction and removal of privileges for a time should be sufficient.

If this is a subsequent offense...perhaps a bit 'tougher love' may be necessary...Up to and including the 'living baby doll' experiment so that she'll understand somewhat what its going to be like if she gets pregnant.

Linda - posted on 08/07/2014

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Don't make an issue of it as she may see this in a different light and it could come back to haunt you , just sit down and discuss the basic rules of the house and if they are not kept there will be consequences . one removing her favourite outfit from her closet use your own instinct

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