15 year old daughter treats me like a door mat

Tammy - posted on 05/15/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I've been having trouble with my 15 year old daughter since she was 13. She is not a bad girl, I've seen worse but in the last couple of years she has had behavior issues. She has no motivation to do anything she is quitting playing piano, her grades are poor, she won't do anything around the house.



When I put my foot down and take away her iPad she runs away. Every time I give her an ultimatum she runs away. I've had to call the police to find her. A month ago she had a break down and I found out she was cutting herself. I was horrified, I just had a baby who is 4 months old now and she's becoming too much. I took away her iPad when I found she was cutting and spoke to social workers with her about it and she seemed to be coming around. So I gave it back last weekend and now her moods are crappy towards me again. I'm afraid to take it away again because I don't want her to have another cutting episode or slam doors or run away.



I try to ignore her and just let her be but it really bothers me that she doesn't follow through with her responsibilities. Theres gotta be a way around this, for her to learn that theres more to the world than just social networking. Also, the only way I make her happy is when I spend money on her that I don't have. She literally ignores everything I ask her to do and all I end up doing is nagging and getting stressed and depressed. I'm not sure how much more I can take. She also become very loud and my house is no longer peaceful, from the minute she gets home from school to the minute she wakes up she's either singing, has this horrible "screamo" music on, stomps around the house loudly, goes in and out of her room like 20 times, each time loudly closing the door. I've tried talking to her and each time she says mmhmm and rolls her eyes. There's gotta be a way to get some respect?

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Candie - posted on 05/18/2015

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Tammy, I did not mean to minimize the fact that she’s being disrespectful. I’m speaking for experience, though. One of my nieces had trouble with cutting and lashing out to her mom (my SIL). After figuring out what the underlying issue was, the outbursts stopped on their own. She was really hurting and wasn’t able to express it in any other way. Perhaps your daughter just needs time to figure it out too? My niece saw a counselor regularly for almost an entire year, but today she is a flourishing young lady – a completely different person. I hope that helps.

~Candie~ with an -IE

Tammy - posted on 05/15/2015

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Yes, she is getting help for it. She has stopped now since I found out. I don't believe she started doing this on her own. She used to have a friend that did this, she is in with bad friends, the cutting is not the issue anymore it's the disrespect and how to deal with it, I want to hear from other moms who have dealt with this. We are seeking professional help, and we provide a great home life. I just came on here to get additional information and support from mom's dealing with the same. Apparently cutting is common among girls this age, there's even cutting groups at the schools.

Candie - posted on 05/15/2015

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Cutting is a very serious matter that needs to be addressed with the help of a professional counselor. Is there any form of abuse in her past? The cutting, the screamo, the desire for attention; these are all cries for help. There is something inside of her, and she doesn’t know how to respond. Please do some research and get informed. Call a counselor immediately; it could mean her life.

There’s a book called, Hope and Healing for Kids Who Cut: Learning to Understand and Help Those Who Self-Injure, by Marv Penner. She needs help and understanding right now.

~Candie~ with an -IE

Dove - posted on 05/15/2015

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You mention talking to social workers, but is she still in counseling? It sounds like she is depressed and she desperately needs professional help... counseling together and separate would be my first suggestion.

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