15 year old daughters

Adele - posted on 10/22/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




Going out of my head with frustration!!!!!!!!!!!!I could scream, cry, run away, I have had enough of selfish, rude teenagers who have absolutely no respect for any adult never mind their parents.
She is making me ill.....what is happening to kids these days???? you jump threw hoops for them and still get abuse or a grunt.....I am sure many parents are going through this painful transition but I do not know how long I can stand it....It is effecting the whole family


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Stacy - posted on 10/23/2013




I feel your frustration. I've a 13yo daughter who has decided that she is exempt from the rules and gives me great, angry attitude when I confront her on it. There are definitely times when I feel the need to just go... anywhere.......but what good would that do? It would only make things so much worse!

I have found that there are times when I need to go beyond what I think is reasonable with the punishment. This is very difficult to do, so much so that I think to myself that it is just not doable. But I have found that when I do follow through, no matter how difficult it is, it makes an impression and seems to have a positive affect on her. At least for a little while.

For example, she threatened to run away one day because I said she was grounded and I refused to let her leave with her friends. It was a huge tantrum and she insisted she was going to call CPS and her grandma and tell them that they had to come get her. I was horrified. But I handed her the phone and gave her the number to CPS, offering to dial it for her. That made her pause. She then decided that grandma's would be better. So I had her call my mom and I told my mom, right in front of her, that she had my permission to go live with her. That made her pause also. She then decided that she didn't want to go anywhere and she didn't have to.

So I said fine, but she needed to spend some time at the table because of the tantrum she had just thrown. Only she decided that she was going to be mouthy and badger me. I gave her a pen and paper and said she had a choice, she could either write down her angry words & thoughts to get them out or she could read her book, but it wasn't acceptable for her to speak to me that way. She wasn't going to do either because according to her, I couldn't make her. At that point, I said she could chose to do one or the other or she could pack her stuff out of her room into a bag and she would lose those items until she could follow the rules. Again, she wasn't going to do either. I ended up having to "help" her take the bag up stairs and pack her stuff into it. After the first bag was full, I again gave her the option to either sit at the table and write/read quietly or pack another bag. At which point, she decided to sit at the table and write quietly. I told her she could write whatever she wanted and no one would read it. She could rip it once she was done. I don't understand where all the anger came from, but I did understand that she needed to get it out. She just needed to do it in a healthy, respectful manner. I hope the writing thing was the way to go but who knows?

I guess the moral to the above story, is I didn't think I had it in me to battle her completely obstinate behavior and refusal to listen. But I forced myself to follow through on each thing that I said. It took hours, lots of tears and my wanting to disappear desperately. But it worked.

The next day, I got up ready for a battle because of the night before. Instead I got hugs. I don't get these teenagers anymore.

Jodi - posted on 10/22/2013




Stop jumping through hoops. In fact, stop doing for her at all. I mean it. Let her know that if she continues to act in this way and treat you like this, she will find herself having to do everything for herself (including organising her own meals, washing, ironing, absolutely everything). It wears thin pretty quickly.

However, having said that, I am assuming you have already grounded her, removed privileges, etc. Don't exclude that, I am just suggesting the above if that hasn't worked. You haven't mentioned what you have tried.

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