15 year old refusing to get out of bed to go to school help?

Liz - posted on 02/04/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My son is driving me to despair. He started a new school in January (he was always in trouble at his last school and I was constantly get phone calls at work) so this was supposed to be a fresh start. Since he started he has had 5 days off ill, although he is fine. I cannot get him out of bed, made him doctors appointments but he refuses to go. Any advice please.

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Jodi - posted on 02/04/2013

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Take everything out of his room. You own it right? If his bed weren't so comfortable, he might not want to be in it. A mattress on the floor with a pillow and blankets will suffice. And that's it. Nothing else in his room.

Also, stop feeding him, put locks on the cupboards, and remove every privilege he has, and suggest he get a job to pay for his lifestyle. After all, school SHOULD BE his job and he isn't doing it, so he can't afford anything right now, certainly not the comforts in life. No phones, no electronics, no TV, no going out, no music (because you've removed all of that from his room) no friends over, nothing.

Yes, it might sound harsh. But it sounds like he needs it. Believe me, if my 15 year old acted like this (yes I have a 15 year old son), that's exactly what I would be doing. But my kids understand that just like my husband and I go to work to support the family, which is OUR job, their job is to go to school and make an effort at getting a good education. Unfortunately, that is an attitude that has to start from a young age, but it is never too late to use some measures to get that message through.

Dove - posted on 02/04/2013

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If my 15 year old ever approached me violently or even threatened me.... I'd be involving the police immediately.

Holly - posted on 02/04/2013

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if he lays one finger on you in violence you NEED to call the police, RIGHT AWAY! this is NOT ok, your son should not have you scared! this is HORRIBLE! imagine if he acts this way to his own mother, how is he going to treat his wife in the future?!?!?! you better warn any girl friend that he ever gets about his violence! I WISH my ex MIL warned me of her son's violent outbursts!

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Becky - posted on 02/04/2013

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To go along with what everyone else has said, I would also remove his door from his room. I would also seek counseling for him, and the family, if he's not already going.

Ariana - posted on 02/04/2013

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Do you have friends or support in the area? If your son has violent outbursts my suggestion is to call a 'town meeting'. So call up all the people you feel would be a support to you, friends, family, church members etc. Set up a meeting with them away from your son without letting him know. When you speak with the people tell them over the phone that your son has violent outbursts sometimes and you are looking to find support from others, would they be willing to help?

What you get everyone together tell them the issue (your son won't go to school and has violent outbursts), you are looking for ways to solve this problem. In a big group of people tell them from the start that you realize people will have different perspectives and if you all can't agree you will agree to disagree. Ultimately you make the final decision on what happens.

The reason you need multiple people is that for the violence issue I would take it in steps. Make up a contract with him and tell him he is not allowed to be violent or threaten you or anyone else with violence. The main thing you have to do is do not let him press your buttons, so don't start yelling back at him if he is. If he starts to yell or argue about something walk away and provide a consequence later, but during that moment it is safer for you to walk away and try to diffuse the situation. If he follows you and tries to threaten violence at you go to your room and lock yourself in and phone some of the members and have them come over (this should be a previously set up plan), having them come over shows your son that other people know about this and are close by.

If he ever does something violent towards you or anyone else call the police. As harsh as that sounds in the real world he will not be able to be violent and get away with it.

For getting to school have another couple of men come to your house and throw a bucket of water on him to get him up (like Dove said). You MUST have some people with you if you plan on doing that so he does not become violent. Tell him you expect him to go to school.

Take items he has and move them to another home/place. Tell him for every day he misses school one of those items becomes ready for 'pawning' he will then have a 'price' for the item that will have to be worked off in chores (certain chores have certain amounts) by a certain time or else this item will be pawned. If he makes 5 days in a row of school the pawned items will be returned. Also tell him if he misses school two days in a row the item ready for pawning will be sold (or given away) and this will continue for all items.

You may also want to find a good family councellor to figure things out. If he's gotten to this point some outside intervention may help both of you.

I would also suggest reading "Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager: 7 Steps to Reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love" which has many clear-cut steps to getting through to teenagers when they've reached this stage. It's got many tactics that aren't in average parenting books. I hope some of this helps!

Liz - posted on 02/04/2013

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If only it was that simple, he is taller and stronger than me and has violent outbursts.

Dove - posted on 02/04/2013

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A bucket of cold water works nicely... so I've heard and wouldn't hesitate to try if my kid (middle school and up, of course) was refusing to get out of bed.

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