16 and pregnant and the guy im seeing is demanding an abortion. help

Dani - posted on 09/01/2013 ( 34 moms have responded )

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Im 16 and pregnant. I was told I would never have kids but I found out yesterday that im a month gone. I have a stable income and I work full time. My family are supportive and I basically brought up my little sisters (twins) and another. I know how to deal with kids but the problem is that the guy I am or should I say, was seeing is demanding I get a termination. He is 19 and says it will ruin his life. I have told him he doesnt need to be involved but he says just knowing he has a kid would ruin him. Im having mixed feelings. Someone help me!

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Stephanie - posted on 09/01/2013

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Keep the baby if you want and take him to court for child support or put the baby up for adoption. You should never have an abortion you do not want. I think 16 is awfully young to start a family. Being a parent is hard work even when there are 2 parents to share the responsibility.

Firebird - posted on 09/01/2013

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Abortion is a serious thing to consider with many physical and emotional consequences. If you do not want this child, then go ahead and get one. If you do want this child, no one has any right to tell you to kill your baby. It doesn't matter if a baby will 'ruin' some jackass's life, he's not the one who will have to deal with the fallout of terminating this pregnancy. You will, so, you need to decide what's best for *you*.

Liz - posted on 09/06/2013

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I know guys like that, and I'm sorry you have to deal with him in this way, but except that he has already decided he doesn't want anything to do with a baby rite now, so if YOU decide you want to do this on your own, than do it! Sounds like he is causing you to have mixed feelings because it hurts you to hear he doesn't want it when you do. You CAN be a complete family with just you and your baby, and you CAN do it all on your own. There will be just as many ups and downs whatever you choose. But don't let him scare you into something your gut doesn't want. If he doen't want any part in parenting (most likley he's afraid of child support) then don't even concider his oppion anymore,if he doesn't want the baby- he doesn't want the baby. He says it will ruin his life if he has a child somewhere in the world? BULL! He just doesn't want the guilt! Does he concider how much guilt YOU will carry with you if you do something you might regret? You may be only 16 but you are a women , and we women can be very strong when needed! The first step in ANY decion is to first be strong for yourself! And don't worry about a daddy for your baby, because you can be both. And one day a real man might just step up where the boy didn't want to.

Luludi - posted on 09/05/2013

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Well this is good news, and although you're so young and scared you have words worth a mature woman and mother. Usually when I read posts from teenage moms here I feel so sorry and worried for them and their babies, but you really sound different, Maybe because you are already working and you have brought up your siblings. So, now the great decision is taken try to relax and enjoy this miracle happening inside you...your baby needs to feel your welcoming him/her. We wait for you here in the circle of moms!
Hugs!

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Dani - posted on 09/20/2013

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Hey everyone the father came round and when it wad time we went to my first scan together and the yolk sack was there but it was empty. I have had an early miscarriage. Thanks for your help anyway. Goodbye circle of moms, it seems its not my time to join here just yet :(

Lisa - posted on 09/08/2013

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Don't get an abortion. You'll regret it, it will tear you up inside for years. My cousin had one about 11 years ago and she still mourns her child. Especially, don't do it because some boy wants you to.

I became pregnant with my oldest when I was 18. She's almost twelve now. I couldn't imagine life without her. She is amazing, smart, kind, nurturing with the biggest heart imaginable. Her father's not involved, either. But, we're okay. And you will be, too. If he doesn't want to be involved, he doesn't have to be. But, some guys actually change their minds when they see their babies and actually want to be there for them. (I had a friend like that. His son's 15 now and their extremely close.) You never know. He may be like that, too.

God gave you a precious gift, so take care of him/her. God wants you to have it. GL sweetie. :)

Erika - posted on 09/07/2013

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Keep the baby! It should ruined his life knowing he has sex too! Why blame it on the baby! Babies are a blessing and since you have a lot of experience already then you'll be fine without him if he doesn't wanna be part of the baby's life!
God bless you! I hope everything goes well for you and your baby :)

Mezia - posted on 09/07/2013

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Abortion is a sin. So please don't think any further my dear.Yes you were wrong to do what you did but the deed is done.remember God has a time and a purpose for each one of us and that includes the baby you are carrying.If your Bf does not want to take responsibility, that's his loss.It gets difficult for you but not impossible.You can sought help from loved ones around you..the help you need is mental.Be strong and think positive and happy.your child feels everything.

Remember Children are a gift from God.

Take care of your precious angel and yourself.seek a support group to help you through these 9 months.maybe you can give the child up for adoption.please please don't go through with the abortion.

God bless you dear child.

Nancy S - posted on 09/07/2013

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I'm glad you made you decision. But don't let daddy off the hook so easy. First of all you will be able to get a lot of help from social services. One of those decisions will be collect child support from the ded beat father. He help make he can help with a little of money. And I was a stat trooper and I guess I seen so much of this, it mskes me angry that this 19 year old boy bedded a 16 year young women and then only worries about himself. What a jerk. I would love to be the cop serving. Lol if I was you mom I charge him with statutory rape. I just feel he has taken advantage of you from day one. He stii doing it. You don't need to be stressed out because his a self centered jerk.

Nancy S - posted on 09/07/2013

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You need to think hsrd and do what feels right to you. The boy doesn't get a vote. He was old enough to know how to prevent this, so he doesn't to decide. You body your life. I had an abortion 34 years ago, I think of that child often and feel guilty, but I know it was the right decision. It was a time that unweb moms didnt fend well. I now have 5 children and would support them no mstter what. If if this young man is all upset about this child ruining his life, well he had the opportunity to handle it st conception and he blew it, too late now. Follow you heart and do whst you feel is right for you. There are no right or wrongs here. Good luck. Let me know what you decide.

Cindy - posted on 09/06/2013

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Hi there. I just want to say there is nothing he cansay or do to force you to terminate. If he wants nothing to do with the baby then have him sign over his rights. If you have a job and a family willing to stand by you you dont need this guy. Dont ever let anyone cloud your judgement. Let this ruin his life, it doesnt mean itll ruin yours!! Hes just a sperm donor. This baby only needs you. Sure its not going to be easy but how many women out there are raising 1 2 or 3 kids on their own

Abby - posted on 09/05/2013

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I had my daughter last year on my 18th birthday. Its hard the first couple months, but it does get better. If you feel that you can't support the baby in any way (which at times you may feel this way) then adoption is definitely a good option. You can do open adoption , where the adoptive family let's you visit a few times a year, or a closed adoption, where you won't ever see the baby. Its a lot to take in, you have time to think about it. You won't be able to live with yourself of you abort. And that guy is just a coward if he can't handle the slightest thought of knowing that he has a child out in the world. Don't listen to him!

Dani - posted on 09/05/2013

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Hey guys. Thank you for the support! I am very scared and im so nervous about what is to come but I have decided that even though the circumstances arent great im ready to welcome MY baby into the world. Im going to be the best mother I can be and its the fathers loss. This is my time to be selfish and make my own decision and if he cant step up ill just have to do it for both of us.x

Luludi - posted on 09/05/2013

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And what about the fact that you were told you would never have kids? Do I understand well? Then this is a kind of miracle for you, although if you had had the possibility to choose you would probably have chosen another age... So, while he will have all the chances in the world to have other babies, he wants you to throw away your maybe only chance. Well, if it is like that, there's no need to even comment on this guy. On the other hand you and your family all sound ready to welcome this little creature, so enjoy all this and do not allow that guy to poison you lives.
Best wishes

Bri - posted on 09/05/2013

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Keep the baby. Just because he doesn't want to step up doesn't mean you should end the life of someone who had no choice in the matter.

Cher - posted on 09/05/2013

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Hi.....you need to choose the right path for yourself and now this baby. Weather it's having it and having supporting parents or lots of prayers. Post me back I would love to help. Hope your okay

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2013

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I believe you should keep the baby. Even though you may not want him or her but once it comes out, he or she will be everything!

But it is up to you. It does make me sad about abortion. Have you ever looked at those pictures on abortion. It is heart breaking.

To everyone, if you're not ready to have a baby, don't have sexual intercourse.

Tanya - posted on 09/03/2013

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Totally agree with Lana!

I think you should both talk about it and come to a conclusion together.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/03/2013

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Honey, he wanted to play, now he gets to pay. If you want to keep the baby, great! Get paternity established, and support orders in place. Then, if he wants no part of the kid, he can either sign all of his parental rights away (will never be able to contact you or the child), or pay for what he played.

Ruin his life my aching ass. You were good enough for him to sleep with, so he damn well better be good enough to man up with the support.

Lana - posted on 09/03/2013

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Either way is a forced decision. Having the baby anyway forces him to deal with it. Not having the baby forces YOU to deal with the fact that you gave up a child. Abortion isnt the only option. You could try getting to know an adoptive family. Keeping the baby or terminating are NOT the only options. Knowing a good home for the baby may reassure him.

Di - posted on 09/03/2013

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If you feel you can support a chold at your age then have the baby. He doesnt have to be involved. Its unfair on the baby, for him to walk away. He helped make it! It should be responsible. I got pregnant at 16, raised my daughter he wasnt around, I did it with support from family. If you want to you have the support, its not easy being a young mother, but I would do it again. I dont regret my kids. If he doesnt want to be around then that is his loss.

Keista - posted on 09/03/2013

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he cant tell u what to do if u want to keep the baby then keep the baby if not there is something else u can do besides killing the baby u can give it up for adoption. there r a lot of woman who cant carry a child that wants to be a parent. im just saying and no one say anything rude to me when I say this but I don't think abortions r right. abortions stop a beating heart. I have live action on my fb and I see what abortions can do and its very sick and disturbing. but don't listen to him don't let him control ur life if u want the baby then keep the baby if not then let someone adopt the baby.

Taylor - posted on 09/03/2013

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I am 18 years old and had twin boys when I was 17, I was lucky to be with an older man who was open to any choice I made.

You can't let his opinions interfere with what you want. If you want to keep this baby especially with the support of your family then keep the baby. You can't let someone else make your decisions for you especially when it comes to your body and your baby.

Obviously what it sounds like is he doesn't want to be apart of this baby's life and if he is going to act like a jerk about it he doesn't deserve to be. Period.

Do what YOU want to do. End of story.

Danielleee - posted on 09/03/2013

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Dont let him make a decision for you.! You may be crushed into a million pieces knowing he wants you to get an abortion, but dont.! If you have a supportive family & seems good responsibility, youll have it made. Its not easy, thats for sure. My bf and i were like that at the veryyyy beginning & now our little girl is his pride and joy.! It will get better , stay positive & keep your head up. :)

Brianna - posted on 09/03/2013

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You do what YOU feel is right. Dont let a man tell you what to do. By him saying it will ruin his life he is only being selfish. If you are stable and have fam that will help you then you will be just fine. Its his loss. Good Luck and hope you have a beautiful healthy baby :-)

Cara Di - posted on 09/02/2013

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Don't let a guy make this decision for you. You're a baby yourself, but you know in your heart what's right for you.

Stephanie - posted on 09/02/2013

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Dani I know it's hard for you right now having mix feeling but do what you believe is best and if you are stable and your parents are supportive than keep the baby its a blessing to have a baby and the baby will bring so much joy like Theresa said don't abort the baby I know people that later on regrets it and theirs a lot of women that wished that they could have a baby.. You have the right to choose if you want your baby. He doesn't have to choose for you. I hope it helps

Theresa - posted on 09/02/2013

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Please don't abort your baby! if you don't want to keep it there are thousands of other people that would love to adopt your baby. I have friends who have had abortions and they have never recovered emotionally from it. And I'm talking from 20 years ago. I hope you find peace in your decision!!! Don't let this guy pressure you into doing something you will regret the rest of your life!

A_m_b_hall - posted on 09/02/2013

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You said your family is supportive. So stop taking this guy's calls if all he can do right now is pressure you to have an abortion.

Gena - posted on 09/01/2013

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Dont let him put you under pressure to have an abortion if you dont want to.He made the child so he must be man enough to live with the fact that he will have a child..If you want an abortion,give it up to adoption or keep it is ENTIRELY up to You! Having a child is alot of work,and i am sure its not easier when you are still young.(i had my son when i was 21,married) If you decide having the child you must realise that it is alot of work and very different then babysitting your siblings. But i believe any mommy also teen moms can work it out if they keep focused and do all they can to give the baby a good loving enviroment wich they need..with or without the father involved.

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