16 y/o daughter dating

Lisa - posted on 10/21/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




My 16 year old daughter was secretly dating a 19 year old boy. We put a stop to it, or so we thought. We took everything away, and warned him not to contact her again. She is still sneaking with friend's phones to contact him. I'm at my wit's end!


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Gardensparrow - posted on 10/23/2014




Oh, that's a tough one. I know it can be difficult to figure out the best way to enforce rules when your teen is determined to go their own way. But if you feel like you've done everything you can to address this on your own, perhaps it would be worthwhile to speak with a counselor or have your daughter see someone. They might be able to give you some tips on handling this and make your daughter more receptive to your concerns about her boyfriend. And, you may have already read tons on this topic, but there are a lot of good books out there on dealing with rebellious teens. Maybe pick up Boundaries With Teens or Losing Control and Liking It? I'm sure you could find them online or at the library. Just a thought. In the meantime, hang in there-the teen years don't last forever!

Raye - posted on 10/21/2014




Is there something you don't like about this boy, other than his age? Or do you not want your daughter dating anyone? Depending on where you live, there may not be any laws against them dating. The more you fight, the more appeal it may have for your daughter to keep seeing him. Have you met him? Have you asked him what his intentions are with your daughter? If he is out of school or in college, have you asked him why he's interested in dating someone so much younger than him?

I'm not sure what to tell you to keep them apart, except to keep trying to discourage her. If it's just him you don't like, then try to direct her attention to other boys her age. Let her know there's other fish in the sea. If you don't want her dating at all, then good luck, 'cause that's a difficult thing once they get that age. They will lie and sneak no matter what you do. Your best bet is to make sure she's educated about the birds, bees, diseases, protection, etc. Make sure she's smart enough not to text or post comments or pictures that she wouldn't want the whole school to know about, because stuff spreads like wildfire these days, and it could come back to haunt her.

Good luck.

Dove - posted on 10/21/2014




If she's allowed to date... forbidding WHO she dates is more likely to push her towards that person. Why do you not want her dating him? Is it just the fact that he's 19 or has he given you other legitimate reasons to dislike and mistrust him? Instead of forbidding the relationship... why not get to know him? Have them spend time together in your presence..

Depending on age of consent laws in your area make sure (if the age of consent is over 16) your daughter knows that sex could lead him to be in legal trouble. Encourage her to wait and remind her why and that it IS OK to not have sex, no matter her reasons or his potential pressuring... but also make sure she knows how to protect herself if she chooses not to.

Granted, 16 with 19 makes me a tad concerned, BUT... it is only a 3 year age difference and once she turns 18 she is free to be with anyone she wants regardless of how you feel about it. I think it would be better to offer support and guidance... and supervision.. vs. forbidding... as forbidden fruit is so much sweeter.

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