16 year ol can be heartless

Cathie - posted on 04/02/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am a 60 year old mom who has a 40 year old and a 16 year old. Raising children has changed so much. It seems respect, consideration, has been thrown out the door with the new "its all about me",. I believe I have raised both my sons with the same values and don't understand why the premise of what is right and wrong is so different. I did have rebellion with my older son, with him deciding to move at 19 for not obeying the rules. However, I have never been sworn at, belittled in front of people, or attacked verbally in ways that know are very sensitive. My 16 year old is very disrespectful but what is worse is using things that happen to hurt me with. In the last 5 years I lost 3 of my friends. I was involved in helping 2 of them throughout their illness. When I argue with my son he tells me oh why don't you call your friends, oh that's right you have none. When you are 60 true friends are hard ti acquire, especially those you knew all your life. It is very hurtful and that is just the beginning of the insensitive things he says. I have tried everything but for some reason his focus is on me. He hates me and truly wants to hurt me emotionally.

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Holly - posted on 04/02/2013

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try different counselors, you have to find the right fit, so to speak. since his father doesn't do much good, this would be a reason to bring him to the counseling sessions... he needs to be told he needs to do something. perhaps hearing it from more than just you would help

Cathie - posted on 04/02/2013

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Thank you Holly I have tried that. His dad is physically present but does absolutely nothing in regards to our son. Daniel is a manipulator. He has talked 2 teachers into a A paper when he didn't even do. He convinced them they lost the assignment. When we went to the counselor the counselor said "oh he is just gowning at least he's not into drugs". I guess wrong counselor. When I tried to talk to other mothers and they know him, They look at me like I am the one lying. In front of people he is "hi mom" , "love you Mom. I must seem so weird because I look at him and think 10 minutes ago you where calling me bitch and other words. I have talked to some teachers and they same thing, we are talking about two different kids. Don't know if you are old enough to remember Eddie Haskell from Leave It to Beaver...but that is him X3.
I have been ill since I was a teen. As I am getting older of course, things are worse. He told me I am faking it and he's tired of hearing that I am sick. I even hook-up at night to infusions and he says I am faking it. Perhaps I am not the nicest person at times but I don't deserve this verbal abuse. Sometimes I feel I am fighting my physical problems and his teen problems and feel defeated.
Perhaps I should look for another counselor...the last one was more of a problem because I am told "see you are the crazy one" because the counselor bought everything he said.

Holly - posted on 04/02/2013

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take him to family counseling with yourself and your husband (if he is still in the picture) perhaps he is going through something at school, perhaps he has certain feelings/fears/thoughts that are hard for him to process.

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