16 year old daughter is pregnant - HELP!

Tamara - posted on 07/19/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom of 3 teens, the youngest just found out she is pregnant. I'm at a loss for what to do. I am a single mom, recent college gradute and just finished cancer treatments. I feel so selfish to feel like the next chapter in my life is being re-written against my will. Things have been so hard for so many years and my now-pregnant youngest daughter has been challenging thus far in many ways. I want to be a supportive loving mom who guides her through this scary process yet I'm just tapped out emotionally and financially. If she terminates the pregancy she is likely to fall back into depression and anxiety, yet if she has the baby, how will she finish high school and care for another human being... I think I'd prefer she terminate the pregnancy but would never ask her to do this as she would only resent me later. I don't want my life to go this direction and her having a baby affects me just as much as it affects her. Please help me communicate the options to my daughter more effectively.

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Kassidy - posted on 07/20/2016

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That's great he is being responsible! I have learned that although many parents will disagree with teen pregnancy both grandparents usually want to be involved. They might be a little shook right now just like you! It's all okay, everything usually works out for good reasons. I hope your daughter makes a choice that both of you can grow from. I know my mom finished school and went to college when having a baby at 16 and I have friends who went through the same thing.. the only thing a person needs when faced real life issues is to have motivation and support. It sounds like you might need a little motivation yourself because you might be a little bit overwhelmed with the current situation! Whatever comes your way just remember you usually don't have control, but you can offer the appropriate guidance for your daughter and her boyfriend.

Tamara - posted on 07/20/2016

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I have told her from the beginning that I will support her decision either way and we discussed the options. she is currently in counseling. The spring she had a bout of bad behavior with drugs and alcohol and hanging with the wrong people. I was just addressing that when all this came about. She struggled with severe depression and seems to be handling this pretty well. I currently work 6 days a week and just recovered losing a home to foreclosure. I know that I will live and help my daughter who is immature for her age. I also know it Will complicate parenting of course. I also know I'll be co-parenting a baby. Thank you for your guidance. I appreciate your support.

Kassidy - posted on 07/20/2016

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You never know what the next chapter in your life will bring. Her decision is her decision. Help her weigh out her options and be supportive of which one she chooses. Lay out a list of options which in a case like this there are only 3. Abortion, Adoption, or keeping the baby. If she chooses to keep the baby then help her. Lots of teenagers do finish school when they get pregnant or they choose to get their GEDs. All you can do is lend a helping hand. Tell if she has the baby she needs to finish high school and then AT THE VERY LEAST get a part time job to help pay for things. Who knows maybe the person who got her pregnant might lend a helping hand as well. If she chooses the other options make the suggestion that counseling afterwards would be helpful. Remind her that which ever choice she makes she won't be the first or last person to ever do it! Just don't force anything. Give options, state your HONEST opinion but tell her you will support and help in the ways that YOU CAN. Be honest when you say you financially cannot raise another baby and even though she has your help you will not support a baby and her if she does not go to school and get a job!

Apryl - posted on 07/20/2016

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I understand how you feel as a mother of a teen myself, but this is not your fault. It is for your daughter to figure out, because it is her body and her baby. As a mother, you should love her no matter what decision she makes. She has to figure out how she's going to finish school and support her baby. It's not completely your responsibility.
Tell her that she needs to get a job and that you will financially help her, but you won't raise the child for her. She has to either accept this responsibility or find another solution.

Good luck!

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Etta - posted on 07/21/2016

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Sorry you have so much to deal with besides your own health and financial issues. Perhaps you could counsel your daughter about what would be the best for the baby. Adoption is an option and it is a loving unselfish gift to a couple who has been longing and waiting for a child. She has the opportunity to give life and change a bad situation into something good. There are pregnancy centers that provide counsel and needs for mom and baby.
Please take care of yourself and don't feel you have to take on someone else's responsibility.

Tamara - posted on 07/20/2016

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She currently has a part-time job and her boyfriend is driving her to and from. He is supportive yet his parents told him they will disown him that my daughter and baby will never be allowed in their house. My thoughts are that in the future they could change their mind if they do not like how my daughters parenting they could make life difficult for her. They have a lot of money and have made it extremely clear they will not spend a dime on this baby. Their son is being responsible so far.

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