16 year old daughter - starting with problems

Lauren - posted on 11/30/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )




my 16 year old daughter had a curfew last week Saturday of 12 pm and came in the next morning as there was no lift to come home. We don't have a car. Her friend came to sleep over, and this friend has problems with her dad and she came to us weekend. Very nice girl. When I tried phoning my daughter the night at 2.30 am she then only told me the parents where the party was held is asleep cos they are drunk. We had a party at our house and we checked up on the teens every time. I just couldn't understand this. then she said the dad is taking from the kids home and soon after it was told they are drunk. She and this friend came in at 6 am the next morning. I kept my cool and the boys that was with came in with them. And still she had the audacity to ask if they can go for breakfast. I said no. I let them sleep and when they got up they were more angry at us. Then I had the take over lunch. to both of them. saying its wrong. and all that had to be said. I just feel so disappointed in my child. Her father told her that he do not want a guy with tattoos in his house. Whoever that was. I don't really know how to react to this. I do not want to have a distant bond with my daughter. She does very good in class top students every quarter and now this?

We told her if there is a guy she likes bring him home so we can see.


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Grammieann - posted on 11/30/2015




Hi! I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's scary to wonder where our kids are in the middle of the night and then to have them act as if nothing had happened when they do show up. :(

Do you feel this is the start of a bigger problem, or a one-time thing that may have been a lapse in judgment? Does your daughter have an "escape plan" if she gets into a situation with her peers that she can't handle on her own? I know you said you don't have a car, but could she text you and have you arrange for another trusted adult to pick her up?

Either way, it sounds like you want to stay close to your daughter, even as you set boundaries and consequences to keep her safe. Do keep the lines of communication open, explain your concerns, and be sure to communicate your expectations clearly. Believe the best in her, but also let her know that the amount of freedom she has depends on the amount of responsibility she demonstrates. Keep an eye on her peers, and try to get to know her friends' parents.

Just some thoughts from a mom who's been there. Hang in there with your girl, OK?

Lauren - posted on 11/30/2015




I grounded her and no friends sleeping over

She has her cell with her. She has to have the phone during the day that is how we communicate with her. Over the holidays I let her have the phone with her all the time. in school we limit her to bring it in by 8 pm

Michelle - posted on 11/30/2015




So what consequences have you given her for the weekend? Have you taken away electronics, phone or grounded her?
I would be grounding her until she can learn to let me know what is going on, especially if she won't be home when she's supposed to be. This also means no friends over to your house as well. She's to go to school and straight home. You also limit her or even confiscate her electronics.
You need to do more than just talk with children, they need to know that you mean what you say.

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