16 year old wants to move out

Dana - posted on 06/24/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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This is a very messy situation so please dont be rude. My husband and I have looked for over three years for decent jobs but there are no jobs here. We found jobs good ones but they are over 4 hours away. My 21 year old who lives with us is fine. My 18 year old is a little disappointed but understands and as she says she'll be living in dorms anyway. My 16 year old is a whole new thing. She dont eant to leave her home of 5 years...her teachers...her friends...her hometown or her school. She is an honor student but very closed off at times. I got divorced almost five years ago and promised not to keep moving them and she reminded me that. She wants to move in with my parents who constantly tell the girls how bad i am. She says if not shell drop out when she is 18 so she can graduate from her school. She is so mad I've never seen her so mad. Any advice...please help

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Sofia - posted on 06/27/2016

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She's an honor student. Perhaps let her stay with grandparents until she's finished. It's only four hours away. She can't dictate the families life; however, she's 2 years from being an adult. You may want to let her preserve her relationship with you.

Nadine - posted on 06/27/2016

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As a kid I moved almost every year. Sometimes it was a blessing, sometimes a curse. But, guess what, we have to do what is best for the family. There is no say in the matter. By 16 she should know that sometimes you have to make tough choices for the family and suck it up. Hopefully she will make the best of the situation, but if not, then she will have to wallow in her misery. Teenagers can be really self-centred if we allow them to think the household should revolve around them. I really hope she comes around, but she should not get a say in this. And you should not have to ask her permission to do what is best for your family.

Paula - posted on 06/26/2016

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You do need to do what is best for your entire family. I would try to explain that to your 16 year old while listening to her concerns. I would not let her move in with your parents if you think that will negatively affect your relationship with her. Let her know you love her too much to let her behind. Be patient with her; this is a challenging age to change schools, friends, etc. Good Luck!

Ev - posted on 06/24/2016

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i would not either....I missed that. But if the situation was different that is what I would offer.

Michelle - posted on 06/24/2016

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Evelyn, the daughter wants to stay with the Grandparents but they tell the kids how bad the Mum is. I wouldn't leave my child to stay with people like that.

Ev - posted on 06/24/2016

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I agree with Michelle, you can not make promised to your kids you can not keep. I also know it from experience too. My kids dad had primary care of them in our custody agreement. So when they were with me I would not make promises of anything unless I knew I would be able to keep it. Even then sometimes I could not because of being sick (me or kids) or because of weather...all out of control of me.

I had an idea. When I was your daughter's age I had been in two states already going to school for high school. Each state had certain graduation requirements. Of course there was the general math, science, english, history/social studies type requirements but they also had their own in each state too. At 16 I was going to start in a new system in a third state....hence having to catch up to their requirement system by taking a couple classes late because of moving each time. At the end of junior year my dad thought we would have to move again and he was thinking seriously of moving us back to our home state. I was not happy with that prospect because I was worried about graduating the next year and having to make up classes to keep in the state requirements for graduation. So I was ready to ask to live with my aunt and uncle or grandparents to finish out the senior year....got lucky and we stayed. So this leads to my idea--you did not say if the school was in state or out of state being 4 hours away--why could she not stay with grandparents to go to school during the week and come to you on weekends as much as is possible? If the new district has some requirements for graduation that means she may have some classes to take to make up the difference in her credits. If she could stay where she is...she could keep what she has and not have to start over. She could also be with friends and teachers she knows. It is a possible solution.

Michelle - posted on 06/24/2016

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Hindsight is a wonderful thing and you shouldn't promise things you may not be able to keep.
Sorry, but she's 16, she doesn't get to dictate your life. Maybe explain that you all move or end up homeless. If that happens she won't have any of the things she has now.

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