17 pregnant and terrified, wanting advice.

Faith - posted on 09/15/2016 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Hi, today I found out I am pregnant with my boyfriend of 10 months he is 30 we spend everyday together and I like to think we are deeply in love. I have only been 17 for 2 months and wasn't ready to get pregnant he supports it of course.My sister happens to be in the beginning of her pregnancy as well, we are fairly close. She is 19 and everyone has been telling me not to get pregnant and how its such a mistake. I am repeating grade 10 and should be going into grade 11 next semester. I also have a job working with kids and i get paid like 13.00 an hour 3 days a week. I imagine the people from my work would consider me a bad example as I also teach 13year olds. My boyfriend just went back to school and should be finished by the end of the year we are living together with relatives of his and pay rent. I haven't told anyone yet because I just found out. I am really worried about the people in my life dissaproving such as my close friend a woman in her 70s without any children, my boss who is also a close friend, my mom, and my dad. I'm not even gonna tell my grandma she stopped talking to me for a longtime because of the boyfriend I chose and we just started talking again a few days ago not to mention she doesn't like babies. I don't know what to do I feel like abortion is out of the question. I wanted to have a good financial situation and a house and atleast be well in my 20s. I am also worried the baby could get taken from us by child and family services, would they have the right to do that?

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Sarah - posted on 09/15/2016

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Faith you statement:
"I have always wanted to have children but I just feel as though I could have better timing."
says a lot. You may be destined to be a mother, just not yet. Take some time to think of the hole you could fill in a couple's life who cannot have kids? You can do an open adoption and keep in touch. It may be a sacrifice, but a great gift to the baby, to the family and ultimately to yourself.

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Faith - posted on 09/16/2016

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Ev, I guess only time will tell, But I sure hope so.. I don't think there is any way to be absolutely certain where or not a relationship will last forever.

Ev - posted on 09/16/2016

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Are you certain he will remain with you the rest of your life? You are only 17 years old. You have so much ahead of you yet.

Faith - posted on 09/16/2016

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Hi Michelle, you are right I guess I should tell them because waiting will not make a difference.Ev I understand where you are coming from..Believe it or not we are a lot alike I grew up a little to quickly. But we have known eachother for about 2 years before we started dating and we were always good friends.

Michelle - posted on 09/16/2016

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I don't recommend waiting to tell your parents, they deserve to know now.
What will waiting actually achieve?

Ev - posted on 09/15/2016

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You have to be upfront and honest with everyone that needs to know. But I do have a real problem with this 30 year old man being your significant other. The age gap is way too much. But now that you are expecting his child you will have to deal with him for the rest of your child's life no matter what.

Faith - posted on 09/15/2016

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Sarah, again thankyou, I'm sure many would be blessed to have him/her. I just couldn't bring myself to adopt this baby out not to mention my significant other has abandonment issues as do I.

Faith - posted on 09/15/2016

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Well, thank you everyone for your opinions and advice.I am in Canada so 16 is the age of consent. I am not living at home because the living conditions are unstable but legally I do live with my mother. I think what I'll do is wait until I start showing slightly to tell my parents, any thoughts on this?

Michelle - posted on 09/15/2016

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You just need to tell them and accept their reactions.
There is a big age gap but if your parents are allowing you (a minor) to live with a 30yo man then they also need to take responsibility.
Babies are expensive and you need to work out how you are going to provide for your child. They also don't get any cheaper as they get older.

Dove - posted on 09/15/2016

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If you live in a state where age of consent is 18... legalities come into play. If you live in a state where it is 16 w/ no stipulations then CPS would not likely be involved unless either of you are shown to be a danger to the baby.

All you can is just be honest w/ the people that you need to be honest with... If you are a minor and still in high school, but your parents are allowing you to live w/ this full grown man... they are likely expecting something like this would be happening eventually.. Not that it will be easy, of course, but if they aren't fighting to try and keep you in their home... they would have to be aware that this information could be coming soon.

Sarah - posted on 09/15/2016

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Tell people....really it is just I am pregnant. No easy way. How to prepare...figure how day care costs, cost of food, diapers clothes, car seat, etc. and how you will afford it. What will need to be done so you can afford those things. For your question about family services....yes they might,be involved. Depends on your situation. Age of boyfriend may also involve them.

Faith - posted on 09/15/2016

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Hi Sarah, I appreciate your thought, But I wouldn't want to go through all of this without getting my baby. I have always wanted to have children but I just feel as though I could have better timing. I am hoping by posting this I could get some advice on how to prepare for this and how to tell people.

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