17 year old daughter no communication unless it's her father

Dana - posted on 10/07/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have been having struggles for the past 4 years with my daughter. I am divorced from her dad he kept the family residence so it's not often she come with me. I have 2 other children her siblings whom do come often but she always had an excuse and her father allowed her to make the excuses to me. She seems to only be willing and available when it's most beneficial to her. Shopping, concerts, trips. She is nasty when speaking to her brothers as well as myself. Her attitude is everyone else is wrong and she is the authority on everything. Her attitude is horrible towards my side of the family unless they are doing something for her. I'm at the end of my rope here she will be 18 soon and her father claims no one can tell her what to do at that point. She has a nice car she doesn't pay for no job just comes and goes as she pleases. She doesn't care for my boyfriend but I think that's just her excuse to get out of being here. She had a nasty blow up almost 3 weeks ago and hasn't spoke to me since.. I don't know what to do because her father lets her do what she pleases. She is just like him it's scary.

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Lorine - posted on 10/07/2015

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Well, were to start, First off I'm not sure what the divorce issue is (none of my business) but sounds to me that dad has the upper hand in this issue. He has everything and give's everything. His mistake is allowing her to do as she want's and getting her anything she want's. I presume she is the only older girl so she is and will be a daddy's girl still no accuse for attitude toward you and your family. I do wander if dad was or has been saying inappropriate things (lies or truth) about you or your family and your daughter may have over heard this. OK getting to my point here, I seriously think all I mean all Boyfriend also should really sit down and figure out what the heck is going on in the heads of the kids, some were along the line somebody got their story confused on what went on with the divorce issue. COMMUNICATION on both party's and facts laid out there on what happened, why, who then let the kids tell you all how this all makes them feel angry, sad, disappointed, confused, left out, you get the idea. Yes I'm sure it was ugly and hate may be in there also but the kids my feel torn apart inside. Good luck. I got a smart mouth, cocky, know it all 17 year old boy myself so I feel ya with that issue.

Ev - posted on 10/07/2015

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Well, that is a hard one. I have two kids and was divorced from their father 13 years ago. During that time they lived primarily with dad and came to me weekends, holidays etc. They could not wait to come to me when the times came along. They did not care for being in the care of their father at all because of how they were treated there. Regardless of that when they got to the age of around 15 they were able to decide what they wanted to do as far as visitation was concerned. And it may be that where you live your daughter has that choice now. At 17 almost 18, she is not going to do what she does not want to do even come see you regardless of it being a benefit to her or not. You can not force her once she is 18 to do anything as she is a legal adult at that point. She should though respect home rules for everyone though. As for liking your boyfriend, she does not have to do that either. There may be something about him she can not stand or handle. Do not force that to happen. It will push her away all the more. As for your side of the family, I can not answer to that unless there is some tension there with them. You also have to understand that if this divorce took place in the last few years, she and the boys are still trying to figure out where they are now in the family, how to deal with the emotions that go with it, and she needs your support now more than ever. Being the child of a divorce is no easy and the world a child once knew is gone and never to be the same again. She might even resent you right now for this whole thing having happened. Just tell her you love her and you are there for her no matter what...because all that anger and pain may be driving her to be the way she is.

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Dana - posted on 10/07/2015

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1st thank you ladies appreciate your time to give me your advice very much appreciated.. My divorce was due to my x husband having a relationship with my neighbor at the time whom was my friend and at time my daughters best friends mom. Yes as Lorraine stated my x is in full charge she is his little girl and in her eyes he does no wrong. It's heartbreaking seeing your child's senior portraits on Facebook and not even mention to me her mother. I'm in the dark until it involves like I said a concert or shopping ect. I'm at a loss ., how do I move on from here it's time I can never get back that he allows her to take.

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