17 Year old daughter - Pregnant

Kelly - posted on 08/30/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Can someone help me explain to my 17 (just turned 17) - that having a child at her age is hard? The father already said he does not want it. It will be up to her 100% - anyone have advice?

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Sarah - posted on 08/30/2013

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I would have her talk with a Crisis pregnancy counselor or even an adoption agency that does birth parent counseling. Both places do not charge no matter what the birth parent chooses. They help take her through things to help show her the reality of parenting. This helps to let her know what it will be like, but also helps to prepare her if she does parent.

Kelly - posted on 08/30/2013

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I thank you for your honesty Whittney. I am pretty much a single parent to her and her brothers and I financially cannot help her out. I told her she is 100% responsible for her actions and now financially. She is not a 4.0 student and has no clue what responsibility is. That's the hard part. Her tendencies are to (example: had to have a puppy and would take care if - when it get harder and the puppy got older - wasn't fun anymore and left me to take care of it). I feel with everything in her life, this is what will happen. When it gets hard she will want to just walk away thinking Mom will just pick up the pieces. And frankly, I can't. I am in the last year of my Masters degree (yes at 42) - and I cannot and will not raise another child. That is the problem I am having. The dad already said he is too young to be a dad (which = I will walk away and thanks for runing my life - oh BTW....his job pays him cash = no support). She has a lot of decisions to make - I just hope she makes the right one.

Whitney - posted on 08/30/2013

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Hi Kelly :)

If there is anyone who can relate to this scenario 100%, I feel it would be me. :) I actually was a 4.0 student myself with a full ride scholarship to a University, and I became pregnant after I graduated at semester...I was only 17 years old! I was petrified to tell my parents as I knew they would have an entirely new level of disappointment and disgust with me that they had never had before! :,( Indeed they did! My mother was pro abortion/adoption and my father anti aborition/ adoption. My mother insisted it would ruin my life, and my father insisted I had made the mistake and I had to deal with the consequences, not punish the child.

Ultimately I had my son, and I continued to make the same mistake in a horrible relationship and got pregnant a second time, 2 years later. I had just began schoolin online to get my degree. I maintained that nothing would ever hinder my education no matter what my family believed or what society and history had shown.

Here I am 24 years old, with 3 beautiful children and a man that loves us all more than life itself, and while it has been the roughest ride of my life, I wouldn't trade it for the world! I am 2 years into school, 1.5 away from achieving my bachelor's degree, and finally pursuing my dream! Honestly, without my children, I don't think I would be the person I am today! I wouldn't have had the drive and motivation that I do to maintain persistence in my education when things get hard (and believe me, it IS hard!) While there are so many days where I wish I could do it all again, and of course still have my children, but live my life and obtain my degree FIRST, I know that this is the way my life was meant to be!

My mother was the one that was so devastated and upset with my pregnancies, that I thought she would never love my children. I can honestly say that she is the main person besides me and their father (my first two call him dad as well), that my kids have in life to rely on and love them with every bit of her being! I never would have thought in a million years that they would have such a wonderful grandparent/grandchild relationship as they all do with her! There is something about see that baby the day it is born and everything else that happened before that, just doesn't matter anymore. The miracle of the life of this precious being will consume you and bring a whole new meaning to your life! :)

I want to say, that I am in no way giving advice nor pulling for any decision on yours or your daughter's part. Everyone's circumstances are different and every person is different in general! I don't know you or your daughter or all the circumstances so please don't think I mean any persuasion in my post! :) I just wanted to give you my story in a nutshell from my perspective. Hopefully it helps in consideration of all events and if there's anything I can do, I would be more than happy to!

(Trust me, I do have plenty of nightmare stories about raising children alone and the hardships one endures along the way. There have been days/nights that I have cried and cried knowing that I can't give my kids everything they deserve, yet, because I had them so early in life and without a proper career. Finances are probably the hardest part of parenting so young and alone!)

I wish you both the best of luck! :)

~MamaWhit~
AKA Whitney :))

Whitney - posted on 08/30/2013

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Hi Kelly :)

If there is anyone who can relate to this scenario 100%, I feel it would be me. :) I actually was a 4.0 student myself with a full ride scholarship to a University, and I became pregnant after I graduated at semester...I was only 17 years old! I was petrified to tell my parents as I knew they would have an entirely new level of disappointment and disgust with me that they had never had before! :,( Indeed they did! My mother was pro abortion/adoption and my father anti aborition/ adoption. My mother insisted it would ruin my life, and my father insisted I had made the mistake and I had to deal with the consequences, not punish the child.

Ultimately I had my son, and I continued to make the same mistake in a horrible relationship and got pregnant a second time, 2 years later. I had just began schoolin online to get my degree. I maintained that nothing would ever hinder my education no matter what my family believed or what society and history had shown.

Here I am 24 years old, with 3 beautiful children and a man that loves us all more than life itself, and while it has been the roughest ride of my life, I wouldn't trade it for the world! I am 2 years into school, 1.5 away from achieving my bachelor's degree, and finally pursuing my dream! Honestly, without my children, I don't think I would be the person I am today! I wouldn't have had the drive and motivation that I do to maintain persistence in my education when things get hard (and believe me, it IS hard!) While there are so many days where I wish I could do it all again, and of course still have my children, but live my life and obtain my degree FIRST, I know that this is the way my life was meant to be!

My mother was the one that was so devastated and upset with my pregnancies, that I thought she would never love my children. I can honestly say that she is the main person besides me and their father (my first two call him dad as well), that my kids have in life to rely on and love them with every bit of her being! I never would have thought in a million years that they would have such a wonderful grandparent/grandchild relationship as they all do with her! There is something about see that baby the day it is born and everything else that happened before that, just doesn't matter anymore. The miracle of the life of this precious being will consume you and bring a whole new meaning to your life! :)

I want to say, that I am in no way giving advice nor pulling for any decision on yours or your daughter's part. Everyone's circumstances are different and every person is different in general! I don't know you or your daughter or all the circumstances so please don't think I mean any persuasion in my post! :) I just wanted to give you my story in a nutshell from my perspective. Hopefully it helps in consideration of all events and if there's anything I can do, I would be more than happy to!

(Trust me, I do have plenty of nightmare stories about raising children alone and the hardships one endures along the way. There have been days/nights that I have cried and cried knowing that I can't give my kids everything they deserve, yet, because I had them so early in life and without a proper career. Finances are probably the hardest part of parenting so young and alone!)

I wish you both the best of luck! :)

~MamaWhit~
AKA Whitney :))

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