17 year old daughter wants to move out. HELP!

Jaaaamm - posted on 07/09/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hello ladies,

I need help. My daughter who is 17 years old wants to move out and 3 hours away to a university. She currently suffers from depression and anxiety and I had no clue she is in counseling and has been on medications for the past 2 years. She just recently just told me about it.

She is very mature for her age and and is a straight A student. She also has a path set up for her future and she wants to go complete for bachelors then enroll in med school. Her plan B is to go into pharmaceuticals. She is an amazing sweet girl and is my oldest but I am devastated. She's very independent and cooks/cleans. Me and her father worked a lot when she was younger so she had to grow up really fast. I know she is capable of taking care of herself but I still worry. She has come home completely drunk and invited boys over in the past. I am scared because now I can't keep an eye on her. Should I let her go and pay for her schooling? Should I make her stay until January (until she is 18) and make her enroll into classes the following year? I don't understand why she didn't apply for universities around here, closer to home?

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Michelle - posted on 07/10/2015

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I think you should let her go.
If you didn't even know she was in counselling or on medication for the last 2 years then she's more than capable of looking after herself.

Dove - posted on 07/10/2015

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If she has graduated from high school... you should let her go to college. My daughters will graduate high school at 17.5 and as long as we can figure out the funding... they will both be going to college far away from me as where we live is only one little community college. They are only about to start 9th grade and I'm already thinking about it and 'wishing' there was a way they could stay closer... but I will NOT hinder THEIR lives just because I will miss them... that's not what a parent does.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/16/2015

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To Sharon: They may live in an area (such as I do) where that University is the only one close. I live in the same town as our University, but its the only 4 year higher education facility in the entire state. We have many community colleges, but only one 4 year school. It may be the same where the OP lives.
Also wanted to say that I love your analogy about our kids aren't pets! I giggled, but it was a great way to state that without being offensive ;-)

Sharon - posted on 07/16/2015

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Hi Jaaammm
I think the thing to remember is that no matter how much we love them we don't own or control our Children. We are there to nurture and grow them up into independent , self-supporting people. Some kids grow up a lot earlier than others, some will and do make mistakes along the way and we can’t stop them doing that, we don’t control them and cannot force to live as we say… They are not a pet.
Your daughter already sounds like she lives an independent life. Your admit yourself that you didn't even know she had been on medication for 2 yrs. So, yes, if she wants to leave home you should be giving her that freedom by encouraging her to follow her dreams, not forcing her to stay in your world until she will leave anyway.
And why didn’t she apply to universities closer to home? Sorry to say but, unless the Universities closer to you don’t offer the course she wants, she is looking to start her own independent life, away from your (perceived by her controlling) influences. Sorry that may sound harsh but you should try and think of it this way, you have succeeded in growing up an intelligent person who is now ready to go out into the world. Be proud of that achievement and don’t try and smother her now. Instead treat her as the adult she is, tell her how proud you are of her and what a great adult she has grown into then discuss with her, as an adult, what she would like to do and how you can continue to help her achieve that goal

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/14/2015

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Well, first, 3 hours isn't that huge of a deal. Where I live, 3 hours is pretty much your average commute in places.
I would have to say that, based on your statement that your daughter is already quite self sufficient, and had gotten herself into counseling and on appropriate meds by herself, without you even cluing in to the situation, your daughter is more prepared to be an adult than you are to let her.
She has a life plan in place, and sounds fairly level headed. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you were completely oblivious to your daughter's depression and anxiety to the point where she went for outside help on her own.

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