17 yr old "freedom"

Virginia - posted on 06/23/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hey....I'm new here and need help! My 17 yr old son says he wants freedom this summer....what in the world does that mean? He doesnt have a car of his own so he uses mine. He's home for the summer from boarding school. He just got a summer job. When i do see him, his girlfriend is attached to his hip! I let him go on dates, to her house, shopping, etc. All i want is a txt saying he's gotten to that place safely. I think I have been more than fair. But, yet, he says he wants freedom and his girlfriend doesnt want me to text him when they are out and about. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

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Kara - posted on 06/29/2014

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What is it when kids turn 17. My son just graduated from high school and moved out 3 weeks ago. He said we micromanage him and he is going to college soon and will be on his own. His last words to me we're to cancel his graduation party and his student loans. He rather dig ditches than live with me. Very hard time. It's been 3 weeks and it's unbearable. He got a cell phone and won't give me the number. Our rules in the home were for him to work a fill time job in the summer and check in via text when he was coming and going so we knew he was safe.unfortunately he has a track record of making poor choices...party in our home, speeding with a consequence of a restricted license, MIP, sex with his girlfriend. My last conversation with him was why he is so disrespectful and cannot be thankful for all we do.

He is living with his dad who I know is loving this time with his son. He is not helping the situation to help mend things at home. He is buying him a car, phone, etc. everything he had here, but rules were tied to it. I want to move forward and help him get ready for
college in 6 weeks but I just don't have a good felling. I am sure there will be the expectation to consign for loans and pay but I question Ishtar is he holding it over my head that he will not give me his ##. And his dad is ok with it. Ugh!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/23/2014

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Tell him that 18 means he'll be an adult, and outline what his new responsibilities will be, including paying an amount for his continued room & board at your home.

Virginia - posted on 06/23/2014

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Thank you for your advice! He tells me all the time that he'll be 18 soon. Yes, i understand that...its a milestone, but it doesnt change much. Does he believe that turning 18 will make him the decision maker of the household?!!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/23/2014

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time for him to tell GF that she isn't his wife, and she needs to have reasonable expectations of a boy/girl relationship.

Virginia - posted on 06/23/2014

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The gf also thinks I'm jealous of her bc my son spends so much time away. Why in the world would i be jealous of her? I have my own life and being a taxi for his job. At least i get that time with him. I just think she has too much time on her hands....she needs a summer job!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/23/2014

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He IS getting freedom by being allowed out and about with his GF. If she doesn't like him texting you, well, he needs to tell her that is the responsibility that he carries because he's using your vehicle, and living in your home. If she cannot respect that, tough.

Guest - posted on 06/23/2014

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Sit down with him and ask him specifically what he wants in terms of freedom. The term "freedom" is simply too vague. Then you can work out a compromise together and you will both know the terms of your agreement.

If he wants the "freedom" to go where he wants to go and do what he wants to do, perhaps he should buy his own car to get him there. Freedom is not something that is just handed to us, it is something we EARN by making good choices and proving that we can handle our lives responsibly without the supervision of a parent or other authority.
I think texting you here and there to let you know he got where he was headed and that he is safe is perfectly acceptable. Do you pay for the phone as well? If so, he needs to use it the way you intend for him to, and if he doesn't want you texting him, he can buy his own phone. If he says "I can't pay for my own phone or car!" that is just proof that he is not ready for that kind of freedom yet.
What his girlfriend thinks about him texting with you while they are out is irrelevant. As his mother, and the person who provides his home, tuition, car, and phone, your wishes trump her's. I could see her getting annoyed if you were having long text conversations, but 5 second check-ins every few hours should be a given.

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