Melanie - posted on 07/28/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )
I have a head strong, super independent 18 year old that now feels she doesn't have to listen to any of my requests, including that of help around the house and with the animals. We live on an acre and have 10 animals total. I have been a single mom since she was 12. I have always had a good relationship with her, as long as it is all about her. She works, goes to school, and makes pretty good choices but treats me with no respect. I have not asked much of her around the house as she kept up good grades has been working for over a year and a half. now I am on disability and would like more help around the house, I have worked for years as a manager working 50 plus hours and maintaining the house on a bad knee, I need more help. She is fine as long as I am home and do not have a man in my life. I am not perfect and was involved with a man who drank too much. I did not want to loose my daughter or expose her to this kind of chaos so I had him move out a year and half ago. The one time I dated someone she was barely civil. She has talked about moving for months and is going to see her boyfriend out of state, and talks about moving. I have been totally supportive and expect if it wasn't for financial reasons she would have already moved out. i have valued my relationship with her and have always put her first above my own needs as most mothers do. But now the ex boyfriend is back, he has been sober for a year. He loves me dearly and is helping me around the house and financially as well. He stays out of her way as he has tried in the past to connect with her, but he understands she has a father so he is there if she needs him. I know I am taking a gamble, and he has been doing so well, I am one who believes in giving people 2nd chances, but I do not want to loose my daughter, I have felt it is only a matter of time before she leaves, and I am left alone with all the animals and a place I cannot afford. Before I even approached the issue I was asking her for help and she just blew me off. Last night she spilled water on the kitchen floor, when I asked her to wipe it up so I didn't fall she just got pissed off, today she wouldn't commit to helping around the house. When I asked her about helping it's about she doesn't want to discuss it. I always viewed it if she went to school and helped a bit around the house that was fine, now I get nothing. So when I explained bf was going to move back in to help me and he is helping pay the bills she just kept dropping f bombs on me, I couldn't even get mad, all I could do was tell her she had no right to talk to me that way, she said I gave up that right when I brought bf back, I tried explaining he is different, and I originally had no intention of him coming back, since I didn't think he would change. Even when I dated she was barely civil to anyone I met. Her take is because he is back since she is still here she feels I am not respecting her wishes.But I need help right now I do not want to burden her, its like pulling teeth as it is. I have explained to her I don't want her to move out, but I need help and if she is not willing to help at all and talk to me that way,it is not acceptable. any input please, I did not have a good relationship with my mother I have always strived to keep one with my daughter but I feel I have raised her to be very selfish.