18 year old high school daughter

Kathreen - posted on 02/20/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

3

0

0

I need advice how to handle my daughter who thinks she is an adult and free to do whatever she wants. This is a girl who has been very responsible. Good grades, no drugs, no alcohol, great at home. She turned 18 and 17 year old boyfriend later, she is a tyrant. Never makes curfew, does drugs, alcohol, and grades are dropping. She is a senior in high school and has been accepted to a top 10 university but I am afraid she won't get there with her drastic change of behavior. I have read many posts that suggest we should kick her out but I am afraid her boyfriend's mother will allow her to move in, and her boyfriend will talk her out of college in the fall. This is a nightmare! Help!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 02/20/2014

3,562

36

3907

She doesn't just THINK she is an adult, she actually IS an adult. She owns her choices, and you have to let her make them as disappointing as they are.

I agree with Shawnn's suggestion. You can't continue to treat her as a child - she is an adult, now she has to take on the responsibilities that go with those rights as well.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/20/2014

13,264

21

2015

I hate to break it to you, but if she's 18 & you live in the US, she doesn't need your permission to do anything.

If she wants to drop out of school, she may, with no authority from you. If she changes her mind about college, again, it's her decision. Since she's making poor choices, and her grades are dropping, she's pretty much guaranteeing that the pre-acceptance to college will go away, as most universities have a GPA requirement to fulfill for admission.

And, you are essentially powerless, because she's now considered an adult in the eyes of the law. So, if you are not happy with her behaviour, the most you can do is speak with her, perhaps setting up a contract which outlines each party's responsibility. If she wants freedoms, she must respect house rules. If she does not wish to do so, then she needs to find her own place and make her own rules.

5 Comments

View replies by

Lesa - posted on 07/26/2014

7

0

1

Prayer and constant reminders you love her. Let her know you understand she is frustrated and that you can't control her decisions .. That you can only advise her.. But she can always talk you you and you are always available no matter what.

My daughter arranged to se her dad and brother yesterday at my husbands van stop. I saw her from a distance but honored that she did not want to see me. I spent most of the day crying. She tells me not to worry about her and to live my own life and she is not talking to me again. I am in a desperate feeling place . I'm so glad for you that you can hug your daughter. Thank you for your prayers.. I will pray for your relationship with your daughter. I am loosing hope for mine.

Kathreen - posted on 07/25/2014

3

0

0

Lesa:
Thanks for your response. You gave me a great suggestion, tell her she is loved and hug her. I have forgotten to do this long time ago. She is still in our home. She did graduate and heading for college next month. She still is with this terrible boyfriend. She has a full time summer job which she shares all her income with this boyfriend. Patience is wearing thin but your post was a reminder that we are her family no matter what. I pray that you will be able to give your daughter a hug soon. I gave mine one this morning.

Lesa - posted on 07/24/2014

7

0

1

My daughter moved out on her 18th birthday with the aide of her grandmother and still needs to finish high school. She is living with strangers couch hopping and partying. We do not know where she lives and have not seen her in seven weeks. Grandma pays all her expenses. If she is staying under your roof and you have privileges you can take away.. Car phone ect.. A contract would be good .. And don't nag.. Just the written consequences .. I pray things go well for you. Don't forget to tell her you love her. I would give my life for one more time to hug my daughter. Hug yours as much as you can.. You and I know that 18 is a number not a maturity level.. Just because the law says adult does not make the decisions or behavior that of an adult. I wish people would quit saying that to me.WE KNOW they are 18... And we have no legal control.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms