18 year old son being defiant

Cindy - posted on 02/10/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My son is a senior in high school. We found a house in another town 20 minutes away last year and I found out too late that, even though they used to offer school choice, they no longer do and I had to put him in the new towns school. It was bitter sweet because he didn't do well in the old school, the teachers, guidance or principal didn't care, so he didn't. They have strict policies at this new school, so I thought it would be better for him in the long run. WRONG! He hated me all throughout the fall semester. He was never home after school or work. He kept going to a local hangout that sold paintball supplies in our old town and practically lived there. The owner of the store used the young kids (like my son) to do his dirty work of hauling things in and out, etc. He kept promising my son that he would become manager of that shop, but he had to prove his worth. I called the owner and had a talk with him and he denied everything. My son was shocked and near tears when I told him the news. He ended up going back anyway. We asked my son if he was being paid and he lied and said yes. I'm sure the owner gave him a song and dance and my son took his word. He idolized him, which broke my husbands heart. A few months after, my son stopped going their, when I asked why, he said that the owner and him had a fight and he's not going back. I was ecstatic, thinking I'll get my son back. Not one week later, he found a girl. So now he's there every single minute he can. My problem is, it's gotten out of control. At first I felt bad for him because I put him in a place I didn't want, it happened at the wrong time in his life. So I guess I just let him feel his oats and hoped for the best. The only thing I ask of him is to empty the dishwasher on a daily basis, which he does. When he is with this girl and I ask him to come home early it's a school night, he says mean and nasty things that he never would say in front of me. The girlfriend came over our house once and he said she doesn't like us and doesn't want to come back. I feel I'm losing him and am afraid he's going to go down a wrong path. I always felt I was a good mother and have always been there for my kids. I'm not used to this feeling of not being cared about. I honestly don't know what to do. He pays for everything except his cell. I'm scared that if I take that away, I'll never be able to contact him. I'm not afraid to hear criticism . I just want to be able to guide my son in the right direction.

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Cindy - posted on 02/10/2014

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You're right and I feel the same way. I think my biggest problem is when my husband taught him alot of valuable things....plowing, welding, building, landscaping. He's doing these things with his girlfriends father and coming home exhausted and telling us that's what he did all weekend. The house that we just bought needs alot more work that needs to be done. He just throws in my husbands face all the things he's doing with his girlfriends father. It hurts!

Jodi - posted on 02/10/2014

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I'm sorry, but I'm not seeing any issue here other than the fact he is never home. Is there some real issue here? I mean, you mentioned "after school" so clearly he IS going to school. You haven't said that he is doing really badly (and even if he was, that's his choice to make), or that he is misbehaving at school, or that he is on drugs. I guess, just from the information you have given, I am not seeing a massive problem. He is 18, he has his own life. He comes home, he just doesn't come home when you want him to. He sounds like a normal 18 year old to me, wanting his independence.

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