18 year old step daughter moved in and caused turmoil

Tracy - posted on 01/14/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husbands 18 year old daughter who is in her final year of school has had to move in with us as her biological mother has kicked her out as the daughter has a drinking problem amongst a whole lot of other problems. My husband now feels he has to rescue her but I feel like I have been replaced and forgotten about.

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Tracy - posted on 01/14/2016

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Yes we have sat her down and told her about rules and consequences. I think I may have conveyed my message incorrectly. The mom (who is also an alcoholic) has kicked the daughter out who also has a drinking problem. We nearly had to cancel our annual holiday two days before we were about to leave because the ex wife called my husband to say that he better come and fetch his daughter because she is drunk again. So he went to fetch her brought her back to our house and yes, she was very drunk indeed. To cut a long story short her phone and privledges were taken away from her the entire holiday and she wasn't allowed to go out and still isn't allowed out but her phone has been given back to her. It was then decided that the best thing was for her to come and live with us. However, the dilemma I am now facing is that my husband is trying to rescue her from her mother and blaming everything on the mother instead of the daughter taking responsibility for what she has done. She has moved in lock stock and barrel and has the attitude of she has every right to be there. Its owed to her that we will take her in and look after her. She undermines everything that I say. She almost is trying to take over my role in the house as wife and the thing is that she does it in such a way that my husband doesn't notice it but I know exactly what she is trying to do. I have to be the adult the whole time but I am feeling very anxious and annoyed and I don't actually know how to deal with this situation. To be honest and it sounds so stupid but it feels like she is trying to get her dad to get rid of me and we have had a fight about this before where he has vehemently stated that he has not choice but to take her in and that I must not make him choose between him and I. I don't want him to have to make that choice. I just want her to live there showing that she is grateful she has a roof over her head and respect that I am the "lady" of the house so to speak and not her. Am I being childish here???

Michelle - posted on 01/14/2016

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Did you and your husband sit down and talk about rules and consequences before she moved in? Have you had the discussion since? Have you told him how you feel?
What sort of turmoil has she caused?
You may need to be a bit lenient if she has been around an alcoholic for a while but it doesn't excuse abusive behaviour. She should still treat you with respect as should your husband.

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