18 yearold

Donna - posted on 06/24/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




my granddaughter just turned 18 and graduated high school. all the wonderful dreams she had are vanishing, first she said she wanted to go to school to be a paramedic then go into the navy, now she just lost her part time job.(always calling in and asking if she needs to workshe just wants to run around with her 15 year old friend).my granddaughter has a car so she just drives her friends around. now she says she is moving so her granddad will get her a job( im not sure he knows about all of this.they have not had much to do her most of the life.) her real dad is no better, always mooching of family or girlfriends, im so afraid she is following in his footsteps.} and she will move in with a friend when she has money coming in.I have tried to stress how importantI a good education is but it just goes in one ear and out the other,Now she says maybe the airforce but doesnot know. my daughter is no help . she just says let her go,my son in law is not her father(step dad) and the are always fighting. he really does not treat her like his daughter. im sick with worry. will she evenytally grow up.right now she acts like a 14year old boy


Jodi - posted on 06/24/2011




18 is still pretty young. She wants to test her wings a bit. She's only JUST graduated high school. Why not let her have a little bit of time to figure out what she wants? Pushing her in the direction you want isn't going to make her happy. But you DO need to make it clear to her that she needs to be able to financially support herself if she is not choosing to go on to further education.

If it is any consolation, I left home when I was 18 and chose not to further my education at that age. I wanted a break, I just wanted to find what it is I wanted to do. I DID get a job, but I ALSO had my independence and no-one telling me what to do all the time. I was able to be my own person. I went back to study at university part-time when I was 23. It took another 7 years to finish my degree, fully self supported.

@ karen, I am so sorry for your loss :(


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Rebecca - posted on 06/24/2011




Don't push her. It's really confusing when everyone wants you to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life and you're barely old enough to buy a lottery ticket. While she should get a job, if you try to force her into education she will end up failing. I know in college there was a distinct difference between the kids who were sent there and the kids who wanted to go. There's no point in sending her to drink away an opportunity. She's still very young and this is a hard time. Everything in her life, as well as everyone else's expectations of her are dramatically changing. The most important thing you can do is support her and just try to be positive to her, otherwise it will all get worse.

JuLeah - posted on 06/24/2011




You have a vision of what is right for her. You have a vision of the path you feel she ought to take.

All of that is just that, your vision.

What is right for her, is for her to figure out. Her path is hers to find.

You can suggest something once. To suggest it a second time, is nagging.

Your words have gone in, but she didn't hear them. Maybe becuase they are not the words she needs right now.

When she does need them, they will still be in there for her to recall.

Have faith in her. Trust her.

To worry, to nag, to interfere, to lecture, to explain ... all sends the powerful message: I don't believe you can do this. I don't think you have what it takes.

That is not the message you want to send.

To stand on her own two feet, she needs to fall a few times. Have faith she is strong enough to get back up.

What is you had carried her everywhere as a toddler, or nagged and suggested the best way for her to walk when she made the effort?

Odds are she would not have learned to walk till later in life, and would have forever felt she was doing it wrong.

You had to let go then, let her fall, and you have to let go now.

I am a person of faith, so my personal belife is that you can't know what God has planned for her. You can't know her path, what she will be called to do, what experiances she needs to have in order to be ready for whatever she is meant to do with her life.

Pain, confussion, suffering, failure, bummed out, losing jobs, failing classes, losing friends, making mistakes .... none of that is bad and if she knows you are there fully confident she can make it, that will give her strength to stand after she lands on her butt.

Karen - posted on 06/24/2011




Yes, she will and there isn't much you can do about her choices she an adult now and can pretty much do whatever she wants, just don't enable her behavior. Do not give her money, or let her move in with you. Make h er be responsible for her own life. Tough I know. I made the mistake of taking responsibility for my grandkids because my daughter was partying and drinking doing drugs, and thought if I took her kids for a while she would realize how bad she was getting, but it back-fired, I took a way her responsibility and it killed her literally. Now I am raising her kids because she died of a overdose.

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