C - posted on 08/11/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )
I have 4 kids, my oldest daughter, 2 teenage boys and a 9 yr old boy.
I have a daughter who basically has gone wild with her new-found freedom. I am doing what many other moms of teenagers probably do and just blame myself for everything she is doing wrong. I keep going back and remembering how wild I was at 18, my parents outright showed me the door and I took it, however, my daughter doesn't have a license, no car, has no money, ever, totally irresponsible with money, and doesn't seem to have any common sense.
She used to be more level headed, a little more anyhow, but now, she doesn't think about how her actions are going to affect her and she certainly doesn't care about how we feel about anything... not that I expect her to right now, but I can dream can't I?
I am just so frustrated. My husband and I are arguing constantly about how to handle things with her.
I know it's easy to say, show her the door, and I would but I feel like I would be doing her a TOTAL and COMPLETE disservice. Her head is in the clouds, she doesn't know how to save money, she told me the other day that she can't take being stuck & feeling bottled up, but she is scared of being an adult and wishes she could go back to being a kid. (I'm not sure she really qualifies for adulthood quite yet!)
I am constantly getting into arguments with her. She is always going against me even after saying she is tired of her friends and tired of having no money she will go out and spend it all.
I feel like I need to take control of the situation but I don't know how anymore. I was always a pretty strict parent. No one ruled the roost in my home except me, not even my husband. It is not a trait I'm proud of, I just grew up with a pretty dominant mom and my daughter has definitely inherited that trait. She is seriously strong willed.
As I typed this, my daughter walked in after work, her friends brought her home to change so they could go out. I asked her why she wanted to go against what we had talked about with her staying home, and getting her space/room cleaned before any more hanging with friends. She said, "I have social issues", said "bye, I love you" and then left. Her dad told her that if she didn't have her room cleaned by tomorrow, he would be going in there with a trash bag. She won't have it done.
I really would love to get some tips here. I come from a large family. I have 7 siblings, we were raised strict catholic and I just feel like we had a whole lot more respect for the parents. I know I had my wild-child moment and then I grew up, but my daughter just seems like she is on this spiral.
Her boyfriend just broke up with her so now she is going through her emotional rollercoaster on that end... all around I'm lost on this.
I know, welcome to parenthood. I am not usually a weak person, but here, I feel totally at a loss and could use some ideas.
Like I said, I would show her the door and let her just flounder, but even I, at her age now, had a car, I was more responsible with my money and I was ready to move out at 18... I WANTED to move out.. too many people in my home. I had a roommate lined up, EVERYTHING.
I think I could be doing her more harm than good by throwing her out right now.
Help me please! =)