19 year old on his own

LeeAnn - posted on 02/04/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hello! This is my first post :-) I have 3 "kids", ages 26, 23, and 19. The oldest two are living on thier own. My 19 year old is a full time college student (4.0 GPA honor student!) who lives at home with me and works part time. My ex-husband and I divorced 2 years ago. After the divorce I fell in love with a man I had known socially for many years -- he proposed last summer and tragically died of a heart attack 3 days later. I am considering the opportunity to relocate 4 hours north to his home; it was our plan to live and retire there. My concern is for my 19 year old: he and I are very bonded (we even work together!). He is very smart, self sufficient, organized, and capable. If I act on my chance to relocate, he will be staying here to finish school. He has many sources of support (my mother, his sister, his brother, family friends, my brother & sister who live in the area, etc)...am I selfish to consider moving at this point in his life? I am afraid to derail his success and focus at school. He seems fine with the concept of renting a room from a co-worker we both know and trust (in fact is excited about it), and I would be able to continue to help support him financially. What do you Moms think?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/04/2015

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I am so sorry for you loss, but I am not sure that I see the point of you moving to your dead fiances house that is 4 hours away from everything you know, without a partner. Why?

Lisa - posted on 02/04/2015

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Hi! Great post! I have kids 21, 18, 16 and 13. You know that those kids over 17 are starting to need to be adults, self-sufficient, etc. Given your son's intelligence and stated enthusiasm to be on his own, it seems like he will be fine if that is really what you want to do. Given your closeness, I would think you could easily see your son at least once a month; and with modern social networking, have him feel like you're still close. One concern is for you: is it your desire to isolate yourself and move to a home and area where you are not socially connected? Decisions like this seem like maybe they should wait a year or more after such a big loss in your life. If you do move forward on leaving the area, if you own a home here, perhaps you consider renting it out rather than selling it, to keep the option of coming back after a trial period.

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