Leah - posted on 08/28/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )
Hi all! I have 4 kids, 2 of which live at home with us, me and my husband of 12 years. My 3 oldest are with my ex and my youngest is with my husband now. Unfortunately, my ex-husband made it his mission when we divorced to make my life miserable (actually told me that) and has done a very hard job to live up to that. He has always talked badly about me and their stepfather (who has raised them) openly in front of the kids and has always tried his very best to get them to move down in with him and his girlfriend in a different town. Almost a year ago, he succeeded with my 13 year old daughter - they conspired behind our backs through text messages for her to secretly move in with him, he came up , took her from school and has alienated her so severely from us in the past 8 months, he won't even let us visit with her and she refuses because she says she needs to take care of her father who was recently diagnosed with very mild parkinsons. It is a very difficult hard situation and I miss her terribly but she won't even talk to us and we were sooooo close. All of my family, ie: grandparents have been alienated and in fact, her grandpa who she was close with died and her father wouldn't let her visit him before he died..........then he died......(my Dad). Now, my ex is working on my 19 year old son........he just recently moved out with his girlfriend who is super sweet and has great dreams and aspirations for the future and we all thought my son did too......he did a year at college to become a heavy duty mechanic and was going to be applying for apprenticeship jobs to get his trade started. the past couple months my son has apparently been going down to see his father every day off, not applying for any jobs and his attitude and demeanour towards everyone has changed. Apparently in a recent outing with him, according to my son's girlfriend, my ex brought up at least three times that Nevin needs to come work at the dairy where his father works and has been putting tremendous pressure on our son to not follow his dreams, but to come work at the same place as his father and live in the same town. This would not be good for my sons future as this dairy has changed hands 3 times in the past 10 years, and would not be a career for him, just a job working on a loading dock with nothing to fall back on.....no career, nothing. But my ex is so singularly focused on his big "win" to apparently steal the kids all away from me that he doesn't even care about the kids well-being or their future.....it scares me to death. My 17 year old daughter has actually blocked him on her cell phone because he harasses her relentlessly.........poor kid. We are meeting with my son and his girlfriend tomorrow evening to have a mini intervention and to help his girlfriend out as well because she is equally worried about him and his and their future.....says since he has started going to see his dad all the time, he has changed, and not for the better. Help, advice, please????? What do we say to him to help him see what is happening here...........