19 yr old stepson ruining our home

Dianne Elizabeth - posted on 01/19/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a 19 almost 20 yr old stepson that was put on a plane from Ohio by his mom who no longer wanted him living with her and now he is ruining our loving peaceful home. He is disrespectful of me and anytime I ask him anything his answer is always no. He's a slob and leaves food crusted dishes all over our house. His clothes r in our car the garage the couch u name it he has crap there. He didn't finish high school just barely got a job after 2 years of us telling him he had to get one. He basically sucks all the oxygen out of our home and has a prescription drug problem. He is driving me insane and his dad bc he's super clingy and needy always wanting attention and pity from anyone who will listen. I have a 5 & 7 year old boys from my previous marriage who live with us full time and I don't want them learning his bad behavior and general apathy towards life. How do I deal with him bc I am about 2 seconds from letting him know not to let the door hit him on the way out!

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Dianne Elizabeth - posted on 01/19/2014

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We have tried sending him to counseling. He lied to the dr and then stopped showing up. He originally came to live with us at 17 I got him enrolled in school and took him together to get new clothes and stuff for school so he would feel confident since it was a new school and environment. He lied and started ditching school basically dropped out as soon as he was 18 then started telling everyone he was in college. For his bday when he turned 18 we got him a plane ticket to go visit his friends in Ohio and he decided not to come back home. He apparently planned it before he even left that he wouldn't return but didn't even have the courtesy to tell us the truth or even say goodbye which broke his dad's heart. His story was that he wanted to walk in graduation with his friends he grew up with but he didn't finish school when he was there so that never even happened. He just went around all day with friends for a year and a half he didn't ever get a job while there so his dad was having to send him money all the time to make sure he was eating not to mention paying his iPhone bill and medical bills and the 2400 a month he has to pay in alimony. His son has no regard for how hard his dad works or how much stress he is under. Now that he's back he got a job but spends all day eating everything in sight then complains his stomach hurts. He is seeing a pain management dr bc he broke his back at 15 but has a history of abusing the mess. With the mess he's up and down and u never know what each day is gonna bring. A few weeks ago he fel asleep in front of my sons school when he went to drop off lunch. I had to get a call from the school asking what was wrong with him he had taken muscle relaxers and them drove passing out after dropping off the food. His dad had to leave work and go pick him up and then leave our car there. By the time we picked it up we saw that he had cracked the side mirror and dented the car he claimed a trash can fell down while he was driving past. I don't buy it but his dad feels guilty and responsible for fixing everything so he thinks it's his job to fix his son. How do I get him to see that he can't "fix" him. His son has to grow up and take some responsibility for turning his life around. We have told him that he needs to get out on his own I just am terrified it will never happen

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2014

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Is he getting any help? I would be getting him into counselling if he isn't already because he needs to work through his issues.
Have a look at it from his side, his Mother packed him off because she couldn't handle him. No wonder he is clingy and needy. He doesn't want his Father to do the same.
How old was he when he came to you? He is an adult and should be looking at going out on his own soon.

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