Eve - posted on 03/03/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )
Last year I became pregnant and decided to become married because at the time I thought it was morally correct. Soon after I had a miscarriage and became very depressed (ppd) and was not acting myself. I did not want to have sex with my husband due to being scared of becoming pregnant again and miscarrying because I was under the impression maybe something was not right with my body. My husband emotionally took advantage of me and guilted me into having sex with him. He told his family about our sex life and I felt like a bad wife. I did not want to have sex. But I thought it was my duty to please him. I became pregnant again after the one time giving into his emotional abuse. I was very scared and told him I wanted to have an abortion because I did not know if my body would reject the pregnancy again or not. At this time he told me he was leaving me. He left me with a broken car, no job, 7weeks pregnant and in our rural vacation camp with no running water (we were between apartments at the time). My family took me in and after my first doctors appointment they assured me everything was ok. I told him I wanted to try to keep the baby, but was still very hurt and felt very emotionally abused/raped. My pain was being directed inward and outward making me very sad and aggressive. The first 6 months of my pregnancy were hell. I just wanted time to myself. Eventually I put a protection order on him because of the chronic stress he was causing on me and the baby. I was having panic attacks and constant anxiety. My doctor showed me a dangerous list of how this effects the baby. During the 21 days before court when I finally had time to clear my head I decided to drop the order so we could both attend counseling and he could be involved as we both got help. Instead of taking my feelings into consideration or making an effort he reversed the order with blasphemous lies exploiting my grief threw an incident that happened a year ago right after my miscarriage. So now the restraining order was on me. He has refused to take recognition for his actions and consider how all of this has effected me. He still makes me nervous and I am heartbroken it had to be this way. I have been in counseling searching for ways to forgive and forget but it is not helping. It sickens me that I have to share my child with somebody who peer pressured me into sex when I was weak instead of caring for me. I feel like I was always meant to be used as a baby vending machine to him. After my miscarriage he left and I had a mental breakdown. After hinting I was afraid to continue a pregnancy he said he was divorcing me. And now he says he walked out on me and not our child. I have not talked to him in months and he expects to be at the hospital when I deliver which terrifies me. He also is taking me to court for 50/50 custody and demands I pump milk for the baby to spend nights at his house. I wish I was a forgiving being and could just look past all of this but I cannot. I am hurt beyond words. None of his family has tried to be involved. And I have never received any mercy. I do not know what to do once I deliver and he appears at the hospital. I do not know what kind of rights he has as we are still legally married but separated since August. I do not want to make anymore mistakes I will regret. Please help.