2 babies only 14 months apart HElP!!!

Shavon - posted on 04/13/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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We have a 14 month old little boy and we are expecting another little boy in June. My finace and I are both only 20 yrs old working for what we do have now..any suggestions on how to handle this and try to make it less stressful.

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Christy - posted on 04/13/2012

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Mine are also 14 months apart. VERY stressful the first year when new baby comes along, but I promise it gets easier. Mine are both almost 4 and 5 now and I wouldn't change their age gap for the world.

Shavon - posted on 04/13/2012

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We have talked about this alot lately n we know we can do it him & i both work and he does little side jobs on the weekends and after work for extra cash. the hard thing about everything is the fact that his mom is always saying things like "oh you guys arent going to beable to do this" and just neg. things when all we need is ppl to be there and support us right now. thats all we ask for. I dont know what her problem is she never takes our son that we have now..he is 14 months and she has NEVER taken him not even for a few hrs but she will take his sisters baby whenever. it makes me feel like she doesnt want us to be together or something. idk what it is but that adds a lot more stress to when i see her bring that little girl everything n my son has to sit there n look at it n he gets nothing. i dont think its right. Idk how to say something to her about it without her getting mad or it causing a big fight. i just feel like things are going to get worse with her once the new baby arrives. Me & my fiance are both actually happy that we are having another one..wish it wasnt so soon but we wouldnt trade it for the world. I just wish we had more support instead of negative actions around us. Again, thank you for all that you have said it really has helped. I will def. go n get some books and start looking over them.

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I also have two boys, 15 months apart. Mine are now 1 and 2.5, and with each stage they go through there are things that get much easier as well as new challenges to face. We definitely did not plan it this way, and it's a major struggle as we are very low-income. My husband works two jobs and I stay home and do the majority of the work with the kids and the house. I went back to work for awhile but my husband was making more, then found a second job where he also made more. As my wages weren't even enough to cover childcare, and my husband was at his wits end whenever he had to be alone with the kids all day when I worked, we agreed it was best all around for him to work two and me to stay home. This invites a lot of criticism from the outside world but it works for us. And that's what I would stress to you. Find what works for YOUR family dynamic and go with it, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. There are a LOT of aspects to consider with two that are essentially babies at the same time, one being completely dependent, the other being moblie yet still needing constant attention. You and your boyfriend need to really talk through and define what the needs are for your family- mentally, emotionally, financially, socially. Every family's needs are different. When you understand exactly what your needs are it'll be easier to work out a plan that meets those needs. Having a good understanding of and sensitivity towards each other's needs and expectations will greatly reduce stress. If you can find time now, read parenting books to get an understanding of different styles and options for discipline and such, before your kids even get to the age of "misbehaving" because you may not have much TIME to educate yourself when the time comes. 



And take whatever help is offered to you! When my second was born I had several people say they'd take my older son "anytime" to help out. But I was too timid to call and take them up on it. I felt like sending one kid off for the day just to give myself a break would be shirking my duties as a mother of TWO. And I was afraid people were just saying it to be nice, not really meaning it. Now looking back I wish I'd sent my son on those playdates without me, he would've gotten MORE attention than I was able to give having a newborn to nurse and care for constantly. And the break would've been good for me too, which would've had a more positive effect on our whole family. I wish I'd taken better care of my own emotional health in the beginning. Your kids will need a lot of you, especially in the early days, but don't feel guilty for taking time away. Give your partner some time to relax and do his thing every week, and make sure you get some too, even if it's just taking a short walk alone when your partner can be home with the kids. Also give your older child some very special time and attention separate from the baby every single day. If people offer to take the kids, take them up on it. If they offer to make food or come over and clean your house while you recover, take them up on it! Don't feel shy or guilty about that. And most of all don't feel inadequate when you need help!! It's ok to need help. :) Don't set your expectations super high thinking you have to be June Cleaver or anything. It will take time for you all to get into a rhythm that works for you. Schedules and routines are very good, but flexibility is the key to keeping stress at bay! Just try to breathe and tell yourself it's ok to fail sometimes when things don't go as planned. 

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