2 boys 1 residental 1 every other weekend new house with a built in top bunk cubby space under neither who gets it?

Dee - posted on 10/09/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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We just moved and the houses has a double built in top bunk with a cubby underneath- too dark for sleeping. I have a 3yr old full custody but he goes to his dads every Wednesday and other weekend. My boyfriend has a 5yr old we get every other weekend Saturday morning and leaves Sunday evening. My boyfriend thinks I'm favoring my 3 yr old bc I said he gets the built in bunk and the 5 yr old gets the regular bed that was the top of our bunk beds prior to the move, we put the bed in the same room. Both twin mattresses. I feel the 3yr old should get it ONLY bc he is there 85% of the time and the 5 yr old is there 4-5 nights a month. I did whatever I could bc BOTH boys need their own bed. I don't feel the 5yr old will mind bc he understands his main home is with his mom. I'm not trying to make him feel out of place hense why I made a big deal about them having their own bed and he wanted them to share the built in bunk.... Ugh it's seriously taring our blended family/relationship apart!!! I'm sorry the 3yr old is a full time resident herei don't see it fair that bed being open for weeks when the child who lives here all the time can and should be in it.... Am I wrong? Am I favoring? Ugh

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Chet - posted on 10/10/2014

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I agree with Raye. You need to be mindful of how the kids perceive your actions. What you intend, and how the kids see it, are often not the same thing. You and your boyfriend should both look to the kids for stuff like this and figure out when will work for them.

It is common with bunk beds that the older child sleeps up top because of safety issues. A lot of people wouldn't want a 3 year old sleeping anywhere high.

As an aside, I'm not sure how the cubby can be too dark for sleeping. You could put a night light in it if that would make two fun places to sleep. Or could you modify the cubby so it had a window and was something like this?

http://ana-white.com/sites/default/files...

Raye - posted on 10/10/2014

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Blending families is very tough. There are so many opportunities for people (adults and kids, both) to get their feelings hurt over things that seem fairly insignificant to the others. Yes, your partner should trust that you are trying to be fair. But, I doubt that his attitude has much to do about you at all, so you should try not to take it personally.

I always thought my mom favored my older (half) sister, and my sister always thought my mom favored me. So, mom says she must have done a good job being balanced. You can't control how others will perceive your actions. Just keep the lines of communication open, and keep trying to be fair.

Dee - posted on 10/09/2014

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The room is not very big to begin with and ontop of that the bun beds together are too big but the top bunk alone fits perfect. I even thought about switching rooms and sleeping on the couch till we get a double mattress. Everyone has to give and take and I'm proud of the 3yr old for chosing on his own to sleep in the regular bed. He said "mommy this top bunk bed?" (Talking about the bed on the floor which was top bunk. And I replied "yes" he's like "this my bed now Michael sleep up there me sleep down here!!" And was sooo excited for Michael to come and sleep over!! --just hurts unconditionally to know your partner thinks you solo their child out when you go above and beyond to find every fair outcome and situation!!

Dee - posted on 10/09/2014

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We had regular bunk beds and our 5yr old slept on top and the 3yr old on bottom. He feels the older child should get the built in bunk bc he's older. I feel it's bc he thinks our 5yr old will be jealous and upset. I did it only bc it takes up half the room and since my 3yr old is a full time resident it would be used more. I have explained to both boys before we moved they might not be able to have the room with the cool bed and crawl space cuz I don't want either child to feel out of place or like it's not their home.
-- Funny thing it worked out my 3 yr old was with his dad since Monday so I could move at ease and when he came home tonight he wanted NOTHING to do with the top bunk he said he wanted the regular bed. So we had to switch mattress'.

Ev - posted on 10/09/2014

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If this thing is causing such a fuss how about putting both boys in twin beds and use tha special built in unit as a special hideaway from them.

Ariana - posted on 10/09/2014

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Does the 5 year old mind at all? Did you try telling this to your boyfriend? This seems like a silly problem. Maybe he thinks you favour your son over his and it's coming out in this small situation?

What's the boyfriends reasoning for the 5 year old to have that bed instead? Is there some reason he should have it more than the other anyways?

I don't think you're favouring but it's obvious your boyfriend does. Maybe try asking him what he thinks needs to happen in this situation, or why the bunk beds are so important, it's just a sleeping spot. If you don't make a big deal of it with the kids nobody is going to care.

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