2 c-sections in 1 year of eachother. about to have 3rd. i need reassurance. really scared.

Lian - posted on 09/05/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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My son who is now two an half, i had 36hour labour then an emergency c-section. Stayed in hospital a week, and couldnt hold him for two hours, due to reaction of epidual, i couldnt stop shaking. I fell pregnant with my daughter when my son was 4months old. I tried for VBAC, but after 12hours, i needed an emergency c-section. They couldnt get the epidual in this time, and i need spinal block. They was going to put me to sleep, but i begged them not to. Lucky the block worked. Was really scared and felt gulity because my son needed me. I came home after 3days and i took the kids with my partner too the park on the 4th day. I recoverd with just paracetamol as im sensetive to strong medication. I clotted with my daughter for about a week. Bigger clots then what the midwife would like, however they just passed through.
My daughter is now 14months and im 10weeks pregnant, so scared about having c-section. My fear is taking over me. Keep having nightmares. I feel like im selfish and pushing my luck by having a 3rd. Im so lucky to have healthy boy and girl, that im worried i will be punished when i have c-section and something terrible is going to happen to me. My children need me, im all they have. I want to have this baby but how do i control my fear and change my mind set.
Can anyone help or relate to how i feel?

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