20yrs Old &Trying to Conceive this Month

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

I lost a baby in December of 2010, I was only a few months along... The first pregnancy was unplanned but I've wanted to try again so badly ever since our loss. I'm 20 years old, my fiance is 23. We have an apartment together and we just got our second car (the first is a camero which is not a family car) so now we will each have a vehicle to use. I am currently working full time as a nurses aide and my boyfriend works as a cook at applebees 4 to 5 days a week.

I'm concerned how we will financially be able to care for a child. I believe that we are ready, and we both want this and have discussed it; but I'm still concerned.... Should I be? Everyone always tells me I over-think and worry over everything, but this is something I want to know about for sure. We want to try and conceive this month....

Any advice?

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Melissa - posted on 05/12/2012

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I totally agree with waiting. I personally did not meet my husband until I was 29, and we did not have kids until we felt financially secure (I started having kids at age 34). I do think that it would definitely have been easier having kids when we were younger, it just did not work out that way for me. :) However, 20 is very young to be considering it - after you have kids, everything is a lot harder, and you also might want to consider that you may want to stay home with the child after it is born. Many women find it very hard to go to work and leave them, especially the first year or 2.

Sarah - posted on 05/11/2012

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I think if you have those goals AmberRae that you would be better off pursuing them first. That's great that he wants to be a chef. An nursing is great too. Just, IMO, if you get those goals under your belt you'll be happier and able to dedicate more to your child together. I think it's fabulous that you're asking. Parenthood is such a big decision, and it's not one easily done if you're ill-prepared. I know it's hard when you want something so badly and it's not time yet. It sure gives a great goal to work towards though! Good luck with whatever you decide!

[deleted account]

Thank you for being honest with me. My fiance has been thinking about culinary school. I myself graduated from nursing school and I plan to retake my NCLEX exam to become an LPN soon so that would help a lot more financially.

Sarah - posted on 05/11/2012

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Oh, and good for you to be questioning this decision. People who rush into major life decisions without considering these things often regret their decisions in the long run.

Sarah - posted on 05/11/2012

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This is just my opinion, but why the rush? Why not wait a year or two years? You're both still so young, and maybe waiting another couple years will help you to get a bit more financially stable. Kids are so expensive and it's hard to change your financial situation once they come along. It's harder to go to school, etc. because you need to work to support them. Does your fiancee want to work at Applebees forever or does he have something else in mind? If he wants to get some other training under his belt it might be easier before you have a child. Also, marriage is difficult that first year or two, no matter how long you've been together. Why not get married first and focus on strengthening your bond together while you deal with the difficult first year. My hubby and I were together 5 years before we married and lived together for 4 of them, yet that first year was still hard, marriage does change things. You have so many years left to have babies and still be a young mom. Personally I wouldn't rush it. You'll hear from a lot of people that if you wait until you can afford to have kids before you do that you'll never have them; but there's a difference between struggling and getting by. Getting by is far easier.

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