21 Year Old Daughter gone off the rails.

Marie - posted on 04/23/2017 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Advice needed please.

Hi I am new here and after so much googling looking for information and ideas I thought I would try here.

I have Two children, a boy and a girl but its my daughter causing all the stress.

For years we have had problems. She was bullied that was bad and did mententally get to her and all of us. We helped her through it and had lots of therapy sessions. Now though it is like a monster has been born. She has this attitude where she thinks she is untouchable and her personality has become so hortible there is no reasoning with her. She shuts off. She waa dating but that ended up in a mess with her in handcuffs to restrain her because she trashed his room and was so angry Now she has been arrested for assualt after punching her ex. She moved into her new boyfriends house straight away and not worked for 8 weeks and spun a web of lies its so scary. She even told me she has been working and took me out for a meal and said her wages paid for it. I asked if shes coming home as all seems rushed and messy and she needs a base again but she said no.

I met the mother of the boyfriend for the firsr time yesterday and she is just as worried as me so i removed my daughter from there and took her to my parents so i could go get my son and give us a bit of calm down time. The attitude all day was shocking. The further web of lies to her boyfriend was unbrlievable. Yes iIwas ear wigging. She was telling him she has no mother. Then after her new boyftiends mum telling me she can not live there and after what happened in the morning low and behold her boyfriend picked her up after 6pm to go back there. I am dtowning in her lies and nasty ways i told her I am done with it all she is on her own now and no more turning up on my door with her Dramas or police. I told her this is the real world now and whatever path she chooses i will not be to blame if it is the wrong one Now my mind is in turmoil. She has gone back there and I feel like from here on i will now be waiting for that call to say that she has done something terrible I googled sociopath and was shocked to read some traits she has but also feel bad because this other family will find out how manuplitive she is and what web if lies she has spun to get her way Has anybody else gone through this and how have you coped.

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Sarah - posted on 04/23/2017

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And that is all you can do, and when the time comes you will be there- open arms, no judgement to help her regain her life and rebuild trust.

Marie - posted on 04/23/2017

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Sarah . I have to now. Breaks my heart as love her so much but can not watch her destroy herself. Thanking you and Michelle for your advice as you both have pretty much said same now She is an adult. Needed to kind of hear/read this from someone else other than family so I know I am not being an awful mum. I have tried and will be here for her when she stops pressing the self destruct button x

Sarah - posted on 04/23/2017

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Then there is no more to be done. Let her know you will not tolerate her being dishonest to you. Reassure her that when she is ready, you will be there to help her- unconditionally.

Marie - posted on 04/23/2017

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Hi Sarah. Trust me I have tried so much. Ive bern places with her given her numbers etc nothing is working.

Sarah - posted on 04/23/2017

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Let her know you will help her find some resources to get her back on track.

Marie - posted on 04/23/2017

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Ps Michelle you are right though I just need to leave her to it now. Nothing I say or do will help.

Michelle - posted on 04/23/2017

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For starters, she is an adult and can make her own choices in life that she has to live with. You had no right to remove her against her will as again, she is an adult!
I suggest that you back off but let her know that you are always there if she needs you. The more you push and try to tell her the mistakes she is making, the further she will push you away. She needs to learn from her own mistakes and when they are headstrong, they won't listen to anyone else.
I wouldn't be so fast in labeling her as a sociopath, she's probably headstrong and sick of her parents being involved with her life.

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