21 year old son.

Donna - posted on 12/07/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hi my son has always been sensitive and a little difficult. Prone to over reacting. But on the whole he was a happy funny young lad. Since hitting adolescence however, it's like he's taken over. Unbeknown to us, he started to take 'soft' drugs at age 16. We thought it was difficult teen time. Turns out in true classic form, we were the last to know. He hated school with a passion and we realised early on that he wasn't academic so tried to steer him to maybe working with his hands or in the caring profession. Anything really so long as he was happy. His behaviour really started deteriorating age 17/18. He caused mayhem at home, smashing up the place, threatening us with knives, threatening to burn the house down among other things. We were and up until now have supported him financially. It got so bad I feared for my safety. His grandad took him to live with him. This was five minutes from us. A year later he got his own flat. We helped him move and made sure he wasn't without anything. A few months down the line the council was flooded with complaints about his anti social behaviour ( he's still taking legal highs, drinking and smoking weed, he has been taken to A&E twice almost comatose from the effects) After another year he was able to do a swap and moved into a much nicer flat. Again we helped as much as we could. And he has stayed here with us the odd night. Throughout all this he has continued to verbally abuse us and threatens violence if things are not going his way. At one point his nan-my mum took him to the GP to see if maybe a mental illness was going undiagnosed ( we had thought of this many times) The GP put him on anti anxiety meds and referred him to a mental health health team. I went with him to a meeting. After learning what support he has around him they sort of lost interest. We have tried to pinpoint a trigger for all this but we are at a loss. There has been no upset in our home no divorce etc. We have had financial problems and have never been able to take him on holiday-something he likes to throw in our face. He has stolen his dad's car on numourous occasions while under the influence of drink and drugs. We have caught him selling drugs from our home. We have paid off a drug debt when he turned up terrified one day. At the moment he is waiting on a brain scan as I took him back to the GP to say that surely such uncontrolled rages are not normal. I'm now afraid he will hurt himself or a member of the public. Just yesterday he lost the plot over some muddy footprints that we walked in ( we were taking him some things for his newly acquired dog and accidentally walked it in) he threatened to fill us in and chased us out of his flat. The curious thing is that he's always hated any kind of animal cruelty and worships dogs. He grew up with our two big dogs and I was never worried about him being with them. His grandfather-my dad, passed away almost three years ago after a sudden brutal six month battle with cancer. He and my dad were very close and it knocked him back badly. We are at our wits end. We don't know which way to turn. We are also heartbroken that our only boy seems to have so much hate for us. We know he's in there somewhere which is why we haven't given up. He's been in trouble with the police but no record yet. However as he's now selling weed it can only be a matter of time we feel. He does enough money as when he was referred to mental health the GP put him sick. We do love him very much but we don't know how to handle him. Do we not give him anymore money ( but if he mentally unwell is that the right thing to do?) We seem to be surrounded by parents with twenty somethings who seem to have got everything right and we have gone very wrong..😰


Raye - posted on 12/07/2015




Well, you've taught him over and over that he can act horrible to you and still get your help. So, that should stop. You need to demand he treat you (and himself) with respect to earn your help. He's an adult, and he needs to learn at some point that his actions have consequences. He needs to sink or swim by his own choices and deal with the repercussions of those choices.

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