21 year old son diagnosed with cancer and now his fiancee dumped him.....

Kirra - posted on 07/29/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My oldest son is 21 years old he is going on his 3rd year of college and was actually engaged to his longtime girlfriend of 5 years. Well the crap has basically hit the fan he was just diagnosed with cancer and will have to undergo Chemo treatments and even then there totally unsure if he is going to make it or not. Well he had hope through his fiancée and now that she dumped him its like he doesn’t even have the will to live! And now he is Refusing treatment and doesn’t even know if its worth it or not! I am unsure what to do I hate seeing my child like this but at the same time he is an adult and there is nothing I can do! What can I do? How can I convince him that he needs to go through with the Chemo? Is there anything I am missing or not seeing?

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Christy - posted on 07/30/2011

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He is still so young, remind him of that. Yes, his Fiance dumping him is terrible, but he will eventually get through that and meet the right person. In the meantime, tell him how important he is to you (and any other family members if you can get them in on this). Ask him that if he was able to see the "what if's" in the future in the case he passed away refusing treatment, would he NOW change his mind? (answer idealistically would be YES). Also tell him we all get one life on this Earth and he needs to make the most of it. Life is too darn short. He needs to be reminded of this, as hard as it will be for him to accept. Be there for him as his mom and if you have to, drag him to treatment. As Neva said, he is also depressed about the fiance dumping him on top of the cancer diagnoses. Good luck and if you have time, message me and keep me posted. If you don't mind, I want to put in a prayer request for him at my church tomorrow (Christian). Love to you and your son!!!!

Neva - posted on 07/30/2011

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Your son is depressed. Who wouldn't be after getting a diagnosis of cancer and having his fiance bail on him. The best thing you can do for him is to continue to be there for him and to try to get him to see a counselor or to have his doctor hook him up with Cansurmount. That is an organization that provides one on one guidance. The guide is someone that has survived the same cancer as the one the patient is going through, so they can tell the patient how they will feel, what chemo is like, etc., but most of all they give hope because they are survivors.

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Katherine - posted on 07/31/2011

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No, not at all. He needed her and she should have been there instead of being selfish, BUT, I'm sure she was just as terrified. She had no right to do that. Again, it was very selfish.

Kirra - posted on 07/31/2011

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She came over this morning and apologized to him and said how sorry she is was. And that she wants him back but that she is so terribly afraid.

Katherine - posted on 07/31/2011

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I agree that your son is depressed. He is going through a lot right now. Maybe she dumped him for a reason? Like someone else said, talk to her.
I would not want to see him refuse chemo because of her. He should have his own will to live. And that's the toughest thing about free will: YOU can't change it.

Terasa - posted on 07/31/2011

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well i am learning about "life lessons" right now, people meet people in their 50's and spend the rest of their time together. it doesn't matter what age your son is they're is always someone else. i have friends that dated since they were 13 and had a child and seperated after ten or so years, i have family that dated since young too and divorced and found others and another friend who seperated a couple of years ago she's in her 50's and just met a beloved. i have seen it all over the place. go ahead with your treatment hon, maybe she'll come back you don't know that but if your dead you'll never find out and if she doesn't you'll never have made room for someone else who is beautiful to come into your life. take courage and have faith best of luck on your journey

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/30/2011

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As far as her bailing on him, that is so horrible. Some people really cannot handle this kind of thing. She is probably going through a lot right now, and her decision was indeed hasty. Some people do not know how to cope with sickness. I hope she pulls through for you and talks with him, if he can handle her being around.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/30/2011

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I am so sorry to hear about your sons cancer. He really needs to speak with the Doctors about his options before he ends his life because of the Fiance. Have you all talked to her and let her know what is going on? As mad as you are with her, she may be able to talk some sense into her.

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