T - posted on 02/02/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
Hello, I'm seeking advice for my girlfriend. No, I'm not a mom nor am I the children's father, however, I am frustrated for my GF and want to help her find a solution.
My GF's daughter is 21, lives at home, and is employed. She was in college but was kicked out due to behavior issues on campus. The daughter, lets call her E, E is rarely ever home and almost never stays the night. When she does come home E doesn't stay home for more than a half hour or she brings her boyfriend over after 11pm. She will make messes around the house and then leave without doing any of her responsibilities. E is expected to keep her room and bathroom clean, empty the dishwasher, walk her dog once at night, and contribute $200-$300 a month to assist with bills(this doesn't cover her share but her mother finds this reasonable as she works retail).
When E does come home her mother often has to remind E to do these things resulting in E yelling at her mother "this is why I never come home because all you do is complain" or complains "It's my day off". Her mother has asked her to clean her room because it is a hazard. The apartment complex has stated the clutter is a health issue. very little has been done to get the room to a reasonable state.
In addition to E my gf has another daughter L. L is 13 and is beginning to say things like "E is never home, why should I care" and " E never does it". The concern is that E is a role model for her youngest.
also a few situations we've recently encountered:
situation 1)L has to practice her cello 15mins a night for homework. recently she received a negative grade in orchestra due to lack of practice. Her mother instituted a policy where she must practice her cello as soon as she gets home or she can't have her iPod. E was home and told L she needed to stop playing because she had a headache and practice when E wasn't home. My gf told E that she told L to practice and it turned into a shouting match with doors slamming because it wasn't what E wanted.
situation 2) L gets her shower at 9pm every night before school. L's bedtime is at 9:30 so she gets her shower before bed. E decided she was going to get a shower at 9pm and when we asked her if L could shower first she threw a fit. We tried to compromise asking E if she could take a shower quickly so that L could get in by 9:30pm. E responded "I'm taking my time". this resulted in screaming and slamming of doors.
We've discussed the issue at length. Some outside opinions would be greatly appreciated.