21yr old daughter issues

T - posted on 02/02/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )

2

0

0

Hello, I'm seeking advice for my girlfriend. No, I'm not a mom nor am I the children's father, however, I am frustrated for my GF and want to help her find a solution.

My GF's daughter is 21, lives at home, and is employed. She was in college but was kicked out due to behavior issues on campus. The daughter, lets call her E, E is rarely ever home and almost never stays the night. When she does come home E doesn't stay home for more than a half hour or she brings her boyfriend over after 11pm. She will make messes around the house and then leave without doing any of her responsibilities. E is expected to keep her room and bathroom clean, empty the dishwasher, walk her dog once at night, and contribute $200-$300 a month to assist with bills(this doesn't cover her share but her mother finds this reasonable as she works retail).
When E does come home her mother often has to remind E to do these things resulting in E yelling at her mother "this is why I never come home because all you do is complain" or complains "It's my day off". Her mother has asked her to clean her room because it is a hazard. The apartment complex has stated the clutter is a health issue. very little has been done to get the room to a reasonable state.
In addition to E my gf has another daughter L. L is 13 and is beginning to say things like "E is never home, why should I care" and " E never does it". The concern is that E is a role model for her youngest.
also a few situations we've recently encountered:
situation 1)L has to practice her cello 15mins a night for homework. recently she received a negative grade in orchestra due to lack of practice. Her mother instituted a policy where she must practice her cello as soon as she gets home or she can't have her iPod. E was home and told L she needed to stop playing because she had a headache and practice when E wasn't home. My gf told E that she told L to practice and it turned into a shouting match with doors slamming because it wasn't what E wanted.
situation 2) L gets her shower at 9pm every night before school. L's bedtime is at 9:30 so she gets her shower before bed. E decided she was going to get a shower at 9pm and when we asked her if L could shower first she threw a fit. We tried to compromise asking E if she could take a shower quickly so that L could get in by 9:30pm. E responded "I'm taking my time". this resulted in screaming and slamming of doors.
We've discussed the issue at length. Some outside opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms