22 year old, Single, College Student, Pregnant and Needs Advice!!

Alex - posted on 11/12/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I'm 22 years old and am about 13 weeks pregnant. The father of this baby is 21 and was my boyfriend for about 8 months but we broke up this past may because he cheated on me. We continued speaking and kind of working on things but that didn't go to well, then got pregnant in August. He doesn't want anything to do with me now. He cheated on me when we were together and lied about doing drugs. Now he tells me he never wanted to be with me in the first place. I am a smart girl with my wits about me and I know he is not the best person to have around right now because he is very manipulative. However I can't help but crave for him to be there for me and the baby. He has not been supportive or helpful in this situation what so ever. I have tried to get him involved because he says that he wants to be in the baby's life, but not in mine, yet he hasn't been to a single sonogram or made any productive moves at all. He doesn't consider my feelings about anything, doesn't help pay for anything, yet feels he is entitled to take my child in 9 months after ditching me pregnant in college. I live on my own, take 6 classes 5 days a week, work part time, and am doing my best to keep it together. I'm looking for a second job to save money yet he has no job and is 150,000 dollars in debt. He is constantly going back and forth acting mature and level headed that he's doing the right thing, then he'll snap when things go well for awhile and yells at me and says he can't stand me etc. I just don't know how to handle things anymore because I've tried it all from yelling at him, texting him a million times, being sensitive and pouring out my heart, being harsh, being mean, being nice, being logical, ignoring him, blocking him, and nothing has worked at all. He tells me I'm the irrational one and shouldn't be trusted with the baby (meanwhile I've worked at day camps, day cares, and private homes babysitting). I feel like he twists my head upside down every-time and I don't know how to go about things with him anymore. I'm so overwhelmed and need some advice from anyone who has dealt with a similar situation or has some perspective! The sad part about all of this is I know if he were to apologize tomorrow, wanted a relationship, and desired to become the person I know he can be I would get together with him again. Someone please offer some advice! It'd be greatly appreciated and accepted. Any and all types, lay it on me because I can handle criticism! Thank you!


Dove - posted on 11/12/2012




OK.... here's the thing (that I can see from here, at least)... you just barely made it out of the first trimester. For MANY men, even married ones in a good, stable relationship, the whole 'having a baby' thing doesn't really hit them til the baby actually comes out. If the two of you aren't together and he doesn't want to be there for you, but does want to be there for the baby.... there really isn't much he can do until the baby is born. Sure, you may want him to go to appointments and such, but in his eyes that is just being there for you which he's already stated he doesn't want.

My opinion, for what it's worth, is to leave him alone for the time being. Don't have any contact with him whatsoever.... no matter how much you want to. If you feel yourself wanting him there because you are pregnant and it's his baby and all that... call up your mother or your best friend instead. If he comes around, deal with it from there. If he doesn't come around, let him know once the baby is born and then see about the two of you going to mediation (or court if mediation isn't possible) to get custody, visitation, and child support established legally.

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