22 year old son not working

Carol - posted on 07/02/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My son is 22, living with his fiance -she works, he doesn't . He complains of migraines, bad ankle from accident that occured in this teens. He doesn't help around their house, lies about things. We pay for their apartment and i have been afraid if we stopped paying he would have no where to live. He acts like my ex-husband. I have to stop enabling him,even his fiance told me to stop giving him money for food, etc.

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Ev - posted on 07/02/2014

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Carol--There are jobs out there that are sit down jobs such as being an adminstrative assistant, working reception in offices, some retail jobs do not require him to lift things that are heavy and most will work around his limited actions if he has doctor's orders for it. Its a cop out when someone acts as though this is no job on this earth that they can do. He could become a hair stylist, a medical assistant in a doc office, all kinds of things.

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Carol - posted on 07/03/2014

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Thank you, I appreciate your reply. It's good to have encouragement from others when I am feeling alone and frustrated. I cannot just keep on bailing him out. It helps to know I am not alone in this.

Carol - posted on 07/02/2014

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Thanks for your reply. His fiance has asked me to stop giving him any money. She works and makes minimum wage in retail. He had to quit his last job due to torn ligaments in his leg. He broke his ankle when he was 17 and has had to have numerous surgeries since that happened. He has arthritis in his ankle so can't do any job requiring lifting heavy items. It limits what he can do - but there have to be jobs that he could apply for.

Lorie - posted on 07/02/2014

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You said his gf works, do u think if u weren't paying the apartment then she would? Maybe you and the fiancé could decide together to stop being his enablers, then he would probably HAVE to work

Ev - posted on 07/02/2014

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You should not be giving him any money if he is not living at home and has a specific need of money for a reason. If he can live with his fiance and she does or says nothing to him about his lack of ambition to go get a job, then that is her issue not yours. Enabling him by giving him what he wants be it money or other things is not going to help him learn. If he has no where to live, let him figure it out. If he has no money for food, shelter or clothes, then let him figure it out. Its not your job no more to support his lazy self. My kids are making their choices. Right now my 17 year old has his decisions for school, where he is living after high school, and is talking what kinds of jobs he is considering when graduation hits. He would be working this summer but with the split of summer break with dad he can not hold a job because he would have no way to get back and forth. His dad lives 20 miles one way from me and has an odd work schedule anyhow and I work so getting him back and forth between the houses for work and so on would be impossible. BUT my son has chores around my house and he earns either money or the things he desires.

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